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I have extreme sexual fantasies that hurt me (submission, candaulism, etc.). Because of the internet and pornography many young people have increasingly extreme fantasies, and when they are attached to submitting to the partner, many suffer from it and would like to become dominant, strong, or at least normal men again.

Does Buddhism have a solution to cure these sexual disorders?

Regards.

  • Hello and welcome to Buddhism SE. We also have a Help Center with useful resources that you might like. Enjoy your time here. – Lanka Jan 12 '18 at 11:16
  • Yes, Buddhism has answers. These disorders happen when people don't know how to manage their own energy. See my answer here on details of energy management: buddhism.stackexchange.com/a/24598/43 – Andrei Volkov Jan 13 '18 at 2:59
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Ways of Denourishing of Sensual Desire.

Asubha reflextion, refextion on the ugly of the body behind skin, hair, nails, reflecting the backwards of sensuality.

Watching the dogs on the street...

[Note: This is a gift of Dhamma, not meant for commercial use or other lower wordily gains by ways of exchange or trade]

  • More complete method is here: accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn35/sn35.127.than.html – Dhammadhatu Jan 12 '18 at 5:55
  • Why the downvote? While this may not be YOUR favorite way of addressing the matter, is was recommended by the Buddha and has been used by many for ages. – Gotamist Jan 12 '18 at 6:07
  • @Gotamist. I posted the way of the Buddha, which is metta plus asuba. Asuba alone won't work. Metta is to view women as mothers, sisters & daughters rather than to view them as sex objects. If you can see that sexual promiscuity of women diminishes & often destroys the capacity for good motherhood, then you might understand the teachings of Gotama better. In summary, asuba is not really necessary for laypeople. It is generally pointless suggesting asuba to a layperson who does not have the disposition to be a monk. Regards – Dhammadhatu Jan 12 '18 at 19:40
  • @Dhammadhatu I see. So it was a criticism of "asubha alone". Thanks for the link! – Gotamist Jan 12 '18 at 21:54
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Buddhism only teaches about suffering & freedom from suffering (MN 22). Buddhism teaches: "There is no fire like lust" (Dhp 202), which is a natural law.

One excited by lust, overcome by lust, with mind obsessed by it, intends for his own affliction, for the affliction of others or for the affliction of both, and he experiences mental suffering and dejection.

AN 3.54

I can only recommend to research the suffering of both male & female sex & pornography workers & the growth of women on antidepressants, in order to learn how such extreme sexual behaviours bring the growth of suffering & the reduction in pleasure.

Jenna Jameson...has been called the world's most famous adult entertainment performer and "The Queen of Porn"... Jameson would make requests for drugs... the pills of choice were Xanax, Ambien and Suboxone along with alcohol... Jameson gave birth to twin boys... Jameson and Ortiz split up ... Ortiz was granted full custody of the twins...

Wikipedia

In summary, a solution to cure these sexual disorders is to see clearly they are disorders that bring suffering rather than activities that bring sustainable happiness.

Suppose a dog, overcome with weakness & hunger, were to come across a slaughterhouse, and there a dexterous butcher or butcher's apprentice were to fling him a chain of bones — thoroughly scraped, without any flesh, smeared with blood. What do you think: Would the dog, gnawing on that chain of bones — thoroughly scraped, without any flesh, smeared with blood — appease its weakness & hunger?

No, lord. And why is that? Because the chain of bones is thoroughly scraped, without any flesh, & smeared with blood. The dog would get nothing but its share of weariness & vexation.

In the same way, householder, a disciple of the noble ones considers this point: 'The Blessed One has compared sensuality to a chain of bones, of much stress, much despair & greater drawbacks.'

More metaphors here: Potaliya Sutta

Buddhism teaches to relate to other people with kindness & compassion, including sexual partners. Most women want to have children, similar to the porn queen Jemma Jameson. The more sexual partners a women has, let alone the more engaging in extreme forms of sex, generally, the more diminished their capacity to be good or normal mothers will be.

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Patikulamanasikara is the meditation recommended to the person defeated by lust. Whenever you see people or think about people(including yourself), meditate on them in terms of those body parts until the perception of a person goes away and all you see is contemptible body parts.

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Does Buddhism have a solution to cure these sexual disorders?

I would recommend watching the video; "Ask A Monk: Pornography and Masturbation (and Addiction in General)" by Ven. Yuttadhammo.

He gives an in-depth and detailed teaching on exactly this topic both from a theoretical perspective and a practical, insight meditational, perspective.

A step-by-step guide on how to deal with these defilements is provided in the video.

May this be of use to you.

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