Approaching yr68, I have committed my share of unwholesome conduct over the years, the typical errors of middle-class youth and adulthood in this USofA. I've been practicing sitting meditation for close to two years, and am most comfortable with Theravada vipassana concepts and practices, though I have not taken lay Buddhist vows. I generally sit "with the breath" for one hour most every day, some days see two sessions. I have not yet realized "access concentration". I am perplexed that I never have feelings of remorse or shame or guilt over past deeds arise during sitting, and only rarely have I experienced strong feelings of gratitude or happiness. Might I assume that it is only a matter of time before "the stuff hits the fan" and I find myself overwhelmed with "remorse or shame or guilt" during sitting meditation?
3 Answers
I'd suggest that no-one can predict what comes next for someone in meditation. Perhaps there is 'stuff' that has yet to arise into consciousness, but if there is, there's no point trying to 'predict' what it is. That would just be unhelpful speculation.
I'd say, if you stick with sensing what is in your physical experience in a kindly way, if there's something there, it'll make itself known. In the meantime, just enjoy the practice :-)
Something might surface at some point in time. Maybe in this life, maybe in the next or maybe in future lives.
Maybe something from earlier in this life will surface, maybe something from last life or maybe something from previous lives.
It's not really that important to speculate what comes up at what time since that will only serve to take us out of the present momement.
Until one is enlightened then every moment is either a kamma-receiving-moment or a kamma-making-moment. When receiving kamma it's like being dealt a fistful of cards. Now it's up to oneself to play that hand of cards in the most skillful and beneficial way. Here we have the noble eightfold path to guide us.
Don't worry too much about what comes up or if anything comes up. Just keep practicing so that you are fit for fight when/if something comes up.
One important thing in Vipassana meditation is to treat all phenomena equally. No matter what arises, you treat it the same. Nothing is more or less important than something else. Everything is of equal importance.
Now is the time to take lay Buddhist wows. Try to keep them.
If you can, your "concentration" will develop gradually.
If you success to keep them, then try to take advance steps.
The order is as follows, FAITH (Saddhā) GIVING (Dāna) VIRTUE (Sīla) MIND (Bhāvanā) WISDOM (Paññā) refer House Holder Buddhism.
