Loneliness in Buddhism

Question

I am wondering what is the antidote to loneliness, or the approach towards it, within Buddhism. I am finding myself quite lonely despite being previously familiar and at ease with solitude.

I am using social media quite often, mainly to chat with others; I find this might have exacerbated my feelings of loneliness.

I am wondering two things primarily: (1) What are the things that cause loneliness and exacerbate it? What are the non-social antidotes to loneliness?

(2) Does active and directed attention, whether in meditation or attending to tasks, alleviate feelings of loneliness in the long term?

And perhaps (3) what is the Buddhist view on social media use? Is it inherently fragmenting awareness as I suspect? Does it have no benefits?

Answer 1

I am wondering what is the antidote to loneliness, or the approach towards it, within Buddhism.

In Buddhism loneliness is viewed and treated exactly as any other undesirable mindstate.

What are the things that cause loneliness and exacerbate it?

Any mental activity that involves "feeding" (sustaining) the description or image of the world as such that considers socializing to be a core valuable activity, would naturally cause the feeling of loneliness. This includes watching TV series and using social media. Also, as ChrisW said - comparing one's situation to others who are social, attachment to past pleasant social experiences. All this can be summarized as unwise application of attention which serves as feeding/sustenance of craving.

What are the non-social antidotes to loneliness?

The same old trick, wise application of attention. Moving one's perception into position where the problem of loneliness does not exist. The possibilities are infinite, from getting oneself involved with abstract sciences, to computer programming, creative performance and art, music -- to convincing oneself that loneliness is not only acceptable, but in fact natural for persons of high realization and beneficial for their well-being -- to direct Jhana experience of reviewing one's mental continuum and praising it for the absence of typical ups and downs that would have inevitably accompanied socializing.

(2) Does active and directed attention, whether in meditation or attending to tasks, alleviate feelings of loneliness in the long term?

Yes, exactly. See above.

(3) what is the Buddhist view on social media use? Is it inherently fragmenting awareness as I suspect? Does it have no benefits?

Mahayana view would be, that as long as your motivation is to help others, the use of social networks is appropriate, even if it causes you personal pain. In other words, Mahayana is totally fine with paying the price of suffering for the higher goal of helping others reduce theirs. This thought in itself reduces personal suffering.

Of course it fragments awareness. But this is the spirit of times, and we want to be in tune with it if we are to be relevant.

Answer 2

OP: What are the things that cause loneliness and exacerbate it?

I see the desire for companionship as a type of sensual craving (kama tanha). When you engage in social media and obtain the pleasure of companionship and entertainment by chatting with others, you could increase this craving. When you imagine pleasures you could enjoy, by watching the lives of other people, who delight themselves in things that you have not, again, you could increase this craving. When you watch others, you could also experience the craving to become like them (bhava tanha).

When craving is not met, it leads to negative feelings. In this case, when the craving for companionship is not satisfied, it leads to loneliness.

OP: What are the non-social antidotes to loneliness?

As stated by other answers, you can redirect your mind to other pursuits, for e.g. reading a book. I suggest the book "In the Buddha's Words" by Bhikkhu Bodhi. Please also see this answer.

OP: Does active and directed attention, whether in meditation or attending to tasks, alleviate feelings of loneliness in the long term?

Yes.

OP: what is the Buddhist view on social media use? Is it inherently fragmenting awareness as I suspect? Does it have no benefits?

Over-excessive indulgence in social media could be akin to habitual partying, with potential exposure to bad companionship and potentially increasing laziness.

According to the Sigalovada Sutta:

"These are the six dangers inherent in habitual partying: You constantly seek, 'Where's the dancing? Where's the singing? Where's the music? Where are the stories? Where's the applause? Where's the drumming?'

"These are the six dangers inherent in bad companionship: any rogue, drunkard, addict, cheat, swindler, or thug becomes a friend and colleague.

"These are the six dangers inherent in laziness: saying, 'It's too cold,' one does not work; saying, 'It's too hot,' one does not work; saying, 'It's too late,' one does not work; saying, 'It's too early,' one does not work; saying, 'I'm too hungry,' one does not work; saying, 'I'm too full,' one does not work. With an abundance of excuses for not working, new wealth does not accrue and existing wealth goes to waste."

Of course, it is also possible to find good friends and be a good friend to others through social media. From the same sutta above:

"Young man, be aware of these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend.

"The helper can be identified by four things: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, and likewise your wealth, being a refuge when you are afraid, and in various tasks providing double what is requested.

"The enduring friend can be identified by four things: by telling you secrets, guarding your own secrets closely, not abandoning you in misfortune, and even dying for you.

"The mentor can be identified by four things: by restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, telling you what you ought to know, and showing you the path to heaven.

"The compassionate friend can be identified by four things: by not rejoicing in your misfortune, delighting in your good fortune, preventing others from speaking ill of you, and encouraging others who praise your good qualities."

Social media is like a knife that both the surgeon and the murderer could use, in my opinion.

Answer 3

.

I am wondering what is the antidote to loneliness>

Be mindful and keep attention on your breath.

I am using social media quite often>

If you investigating Dhamma and discussing Dhamma it is ok.

What are the things that cause loneliness and exacerbate it? >

Unrest

Answer 4

"What are the things that cause loneliness and exacerbate it?"

The cause are mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness.

"What are the non-social antidotes to loneliness?"

Stop fabricating mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness.

"Does active and directed attention, whether in meditation or attending to tasks, alleviate feelings of loneliness in the long term?"

Try it and see it yourself. Everybody has his own ways to cope with loneliness.

"What is the Buddhist view on social media use? Is it inherently fragmenting awareness as I suspect? Does it have no benefits?"

In your case, if you're using social media to ease loneliness, it's like postponing the resolution of suffering to a latter date. Instead of focusing on the cause of your loneliness, you're focusing on social media. You think you need social media to ease loneliness. In reality you most probably don't need social media ... you just need to get rid of loneliness. Once you'll get rid of loneliness, you'll probably stop spending time on social media.

What you're experiencing is normal suffering due to loneliness. Psychologists will tell you it's normal as long as it does not interfere negatively on your physical or mental health. Most people do something to ease feelings of loneliness (make new friends, read, do sports, watch TV, ..). But that's not curing loneliness. It's like having a disease and alleviating its symptoms. This is no different than being depressive and drinking alcohol to ease the depression. Off course it's not dysfunctional as drinking alcohol, but the mechanism is the same: you suffer, and instead of resolving your main problems which are the cause of your suffering, you're postponing their resolution to a later date.

Answer 5

It is important to have loving friends. There are many Buddhist groups around who practice mindfulness meditation. There are also mindfulness centers that offer mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) therapy. Some of these centers support a community of meditators, supervised practice sessions, psychotherapy, and other special therapies such as MBCT (for depression). You might consider joining one of these groups to make new friends.

Answer 6

What are the things that cause loneliness and exacerbate it?

I don't know. Hypothetically or from my own experience, I suppose it includes:

• Attachment (contrasting present solitude with memory of previous social situation)
• Comparing yourself to others (e.g. "They have friends and are happy, where I do not and am not") -- which, apparently, is an aspect of "conceit"

I guess there could be other reasons too, e.g. imperfect morality (generosity, brahmaviharas, and the implementation of lay social life with friends and family and teachers and so on described in DN 31).

What are the non-social antidotes to loneliness?

I try to rationalize attachment by asking, "Was that relationship impermanent and disatisfactory (in which case it doesn't make sense to wish for it), or is it satisfying (in which case it doesn't make sense to mourn it)?"

What is the Buddhist view on social media use? Is it inherently fragmenting awareness as I suspect? Does it have no benefits?

There's a lot of advice about social media use, but the advice may not be "Buddhist" (or at least not canonical).

Yes there are people who advise you should have some "real friends", and not just "Facebook friends".

I suppose if you suspect that social media use is harmful for you, then you should limit it (perhaps like you would limit alcohol).

I think that a Buddhist retreat, at least, would have a rule that you should put away your social media device.

Answer 7

While many answers have already been provided, and are much more extensive, let me share a simpler version.

Social media is one of dopamine addictions, along with gambling, drugs, sex, status, money, etc.

In general, dopamine makes us pursue things, as we need food for sure. But when used unskillfully, it leads to Dukkha of wanting.

The more social apps we have, the more we are sucked into these virtual environments, with distorted and biased social networks and hierarchies.

When wake up from this virtual social illusion, there is ease of solitude, not loneliness. and instead of "fear of missing out", one can finally discover the "joy of missing out". We get time we never spent to orient ourselves back to the right view, and with mindfulness, with every breath, we fall back to a natural dharma path.

May this conversation brings more light, be happy 🧘🏻‍♂️❤️

Answer 8

I’m am not lonely, but I want to express myself. That is a quite a problem. The emotions, the intellect, the conditioning (I want to win). I can’t express without another. This is unfortunate for human beings. Buddha is capable of relying on experience; relating with nature, harmony. But in our world, where is the nature and harmony? It’s near the high cliff. Krishna is Mara.

Edit: if someone was here I cnot indulge. I’m bound by formalities. Fine, you might say reality is worth the price, but peace and quiet is only desired when it is no longer available. Basic supply and demand

Answer 9

--Fun Time poetry-- p.s:- can add some more unpredictable examples but let's not pull too much shame here! 😂 If gotama would have been alive, would have made his fun like this too..

Lonely, ohhh! I m so lonely. It's so alone out here. Lonely, ohhh! I m so lonely. It's so alone out here.

I m still breathing, but it's lonely.
I m hungry, but it's lonely.
I just ate food, but it's lonely.

I listen song 'lonely'. But I m still lonely.

I looked at her but am still lonely. I looked at another(miss!) but am still lonely. ** Another(miss!) 50 - uncountable numbered ones.. looked all but still lonely.

ohhh! I m so lonely. It's so alone out here.

I approached her and few others, alas! Stepped back when they responded, tried to talk and showed signs. As I will remain lonely.

Dukkha come too much, happiness doesn't stay much. Why to have another one in life. I am so lonely.

Why me! Why not me! Songs good too. But I am still lonely.

May be the living style not good and incorrect. But am still lonely.

Ohhh! Just wrote down /thought mixed instructions with correct(samyak) & ? living style but who cares!

After few days, hmm let's tear this living style having some middle path instructions as who cares. But am still lonely.

After few more days, how those instructions came? Maybe the representation of loneliness. Noone would believe. Now I don't understand and forgot as well. Ooh this loneliness is good.

Maybe I did harm someone that's why I am lonely. Wrote/thought few 100 times as, "my goodness should be there and others goodness should be there too". Oh! But I am still lonely.

Oh this loneliness was good because since that writing, I am having trouble in straight thinking as "who should have goodness first?". And now so many thoughts, so much irritation coming. I want loneliness back.

I am so lonely. Loneliness is good. Loneliness is bad.

Doing so many things, but am still lonely.

--Fun time over--

You came alone and will go alone, will liberate alone. But can share dukkha and sukkha with multi , decide what to do.