30

It depends which Buddhism we are talking about: Both Theravada and Mahayana, including Zen, would consider romantic love a disease of the mind, a kind of pathological obsession. Theravada would offer the more universal emotion of metta instead -- the loving-kindness, although in Theravada it is usually applied as an antidote against hatred, for the benefit ...


21

My father was an alcoholic, and I suffered a lot of grief from him - so I might as well try and answer this one. The way my first teacher taught me about this (back when my father was still alive and I still encountered him a lot) the circumstances like this come from our karma, specifically from our attachment to decency and spirituality. The more we are ...


19

Here's a summary of Chapter 5 of The Buddha's Teachings to Laypeople: Practical Advice for Prosperity and Lasting Happiness. If you fail to find suitable associates it's better to be "like a solitary rhinoceros" Leave aside unproven traditional criteria: including race, caste, gender, and external appearance (and creed) A person's inner development is more ...


17

Parents are supposed to practice Brahmavihara towards children. Attachment doesn't benefit them in any way. What benefits them are kindness, compassion, empathetic joy and equanimity. Attachment or clinging just makes you sad and afraid. Lord Buddha had no attachment. But he still preached the Dhamma, Vinaya and created a system which benefited many beings. ...


13

All beings "fall in love" as a result of desire (Tanha) and attachment in our mind. Desire is caused by not transcending the true nature of our experience (Avijja). The Buddhist path is to eradicate Avijja which causes endless mental and physical suffering. Pemato jayati soko pemato jayati bhayam pemato vippamuttassa natthi soko kuto bhayam. ...


11

The answer to this question may also depend on the individual and how advanced they are in Buddhist practice. If a person is solid in faith and regular in practice and can truly be that good example for friends that may help lead those friends to the Dhamma that is one thing. If the individual is newer to Buddhism and the keeping of precepts and right speech ...


10

Love and attachment are only incidentally related. Of course that depends on how you define love. I would propose that love can be crudely understood as the act of giving. Naturally "investing" yourself in any "thing" particular will cause attachment to that particular "thing". And when we give, we have a tendency to at least subconsciously perceive that ...


10

Is it possible to have a romantic relationship without attachment? Just based on pure love and with equanimity? I won't say that all relationships must end; but if a relationship doesn't end, one of the partners will die. When we knew that my partner was dying, I think then we both/each experienced more love and less attachment than we had previously. ...


9

Even if your parents abandoned you the day you were born, you still owe them. The only way to repay them fully is to make them understand the Dhamma. If your parents are alcoholic, take them for rehab. If they steal money, don't keep money where they can find. Likewise, address each issue accordingly. Advice them with the Dhamma and show them the right path ...


9

I believe forgiving and avoiding are two different things. It is important to forgive people for your own peace of mind. Let go of anger and resentment, this will be good for both you and the other person. Avoiding may be important if this person is dragging you down somehow, continuously doing bad things. You can find it several times in the Buddha's ...


9

About 20 years ago I felt the same. People were talking about something pretty meaningless. It was not interesting. Also, according to the Buddhist precept of Mindful Speech, idle chatter should be avoided. So I stopped to spend much time hanging out with people. Maybe 10 years later in such situations I was feeling that the talk could be deeper. We could ...


7

It is frowned upon in cultures influenced by Buddhism depending on the situation. If you are abandoning your family because of your sexual desire or craving towards wealth, fame, power of another person, it's frowned upon. If you are getting divorced simply to get away from responsibilities, it's frowned upon. If you are leaving the lay life to become a monk ...


7

There is a aspect of Buddhism which actually views difficult people (including parents) as being helpful and we should be grateful to them. Forbearance (kṣānti) is one of the six perfections. To illustrate let me quote from the Bodhicaryāvatāra, Perfection of Forebearance (verse 107) Therefore, since he helps me on the path to Awakening, I should long ...


7

Dignity in Buddhism is not built-in, it is to be earned. A realized person is respected because they deserve to be respected. If someone can control one's emotions, does not fall victim to one's weaknesses, has deep vision and wise judgement, flexible mind, and clear moral - then one can be respected. The word "arahant" ("arhat") is a Buddhist term for a ...


7

A very apt verse in the case of anger is this one from Dhammapada - Na Hi Verena Verani - Hatred is never appeased by Hatred. It is appeased only by loving kindness. Here is the Dhamma talk by Ven. Yuttadhammo on that particular verse. Although there are certain differences in anger and hatred, the basic approach will be the same - Remain equanimous by ...


7

What helped me tremendously distance myself is this: Contemplate the various advantages and disadvantages of having a girlfriend--particularly the one that you think you would get--not the dream-woman-that-you-have-to-be-on-a-certain-level-you-are-not-at-to-get. For example, here is a personal list of benefits of celibacy: Jing retention for transmutation ...


7

You are asking something like "If superman is fictional, what happens to his relationship with Lois Lane?". In ultimate reality, relationships don't exit. It's just craving/clinging arising in the mind for seeing, hearing, smelling, touching etc.


6

First, how bad is "bad"? Second, what are your limits? Third, can you really help? Fourth, is walking away a form of help? Fifth, what does your need of "bad" people say about your path? First, how bad is "bad"? Does it mean people who are not as far along the path? Does it mean those who don't care for the dharma? Does it mean toxic people? Knowing ...


6

There is some guidance from the Sigalovada Sutta on the responsibilities of the husband and wife. So, by extension, a suitable partner is one who can fulfil these responsibilities. "In five ways should a wife as the western direction be respected by a husband: by honoring, not disrespecting, being faithful, sharing authority, and by giving gifts. ...


6

The Access to Insight website has a number of related translations and essays; Suttas How to ensure that you'll be with your spouse in future lives: AN 4.55 Spouses' duties to each other: DN 31 Essays "A Single Mind" (Fuang) A Happy Married Life: A Buddhist Perspective (Dhammananda) Nothing Higher to Live For (Nyanasobhano) Buddhism and Sex (...


6

There is a good book about community building; Community Building on the Web : Secret Strategies for Successful Online Communities – by Amy Jo Kim. The most knowledgeable people are those who are able to answer almost any questions. They are extremely valuable but are also quite likely to retire from a community in part because they don't need the community ...


5

According to my Vajrayana teacher, avoiding is perfectly fine. It might mean that you still hold some grudges but you simply don't have to deal with them immediately. If in the current situation you don't feel strong enough to face them, avoiding is the best solution to remain calm and eliminate the chances to create further bad Karma. On top of meditating ...


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