12

As my teacher explained, the reason we are needy and clingy is because we have not discovered how to be our own source of "energy". We are like babies depending on mothers' tits for nutrition, in this case emotional/psychosomatic nutrition. In order to become independent, we must learn to obtain energy by ourselves. The entire Buddhist path can be seen as a ...


10

This sounds like an issue best analyzed according to the Buddha's teachings on right speech. The Buddha famously expounded how he personally determined how to decide on what to say in the Abhaya Sutta, saying: [1] In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial (or: not connected with the goal), unendearing & ...


9

The real answer is that one cannot - it is the caring that causes the suffering: Seek no intimacy with the beloved and also not with the unloved, for not to see the beloved and to see the unloved, both are painful. Therefore hold nothing dear, for separation from the dear is painful. There are no bonds for those who have nothing beloved or unloved. From ...


9

The verse speaks from the point of view of the bhikku. The verse should be understood properly: The bad and good bhikkhus were searching for companionship. They found companionship with Thera. The bad bhikkhu did not respect Thera, was not obedient and dutiful and was offended and extremely angry when Thera said something to him. Why? Because he thought ...


9

Generally, we try to submit each question individually, but I'll do my best to answer these briefly from the Theravada tradition and give links for further information. A lay Buddhist follows the teachings of the Buddha and observes the Five Precepts. A lay Buddhist also Takes Refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha. The Buddha defined 4 types of followers:...


9

Well, technically boredom is a form of tanha, craving. We crave for excitement, for fun, for an external source of energy. And according to principle of "this-that conditionality" craving is also a form of aversion -- meaning, when we are bored we have an inner conflict against "this". For some reason we think that "this", "here", "now" is not good enough. ...


8

tl;dr: I think it is normal, you just need time to get used to it. It will pass. I think it will be useful for you to investigate, why do you feel the desire to be "normal"? What part of you feels insecure? I can only offer my anecdotal support - yes, I've felt like this too. At one point I couldn't even fill out the "About me" section of my social media ...


8

Does the Theravada canon have such ideas anywhere at all? This is a far-fetched example which barely answer your question but IMO the Buddha himself kind of returned to the market-place: not as a tradesman nor even a customer, but he did leave his solitude. The description could almost fit him: In the World Barefooted and naked of breast, I ...


8

The background story to the first verse of the Dhammapada is of an arhat killing insects accidentally, because he's blind. The verse says, All mental phenomena have mind as their forerunner; they have mind as their chief; they are mind-made. If one speaks or acts with an evil mind, 'dukkha' follows him just as the wheel follows the hoofprint of the ox ...


7

Is austerity [as defined above] necessary in Buddhism? The answer depends as follows: As a householder, austerity, as you defined above, is not required since it's not part of the five essential precepts prescribed for him.1 However, this austerity, also know as the 8 precepts, is usually applied during retreats and Uposatha days.2 As a monastic, it is ...


7

There is a saying in Zen: When we love them flowers wither; when we hate them creepers bloom. Meaning, the more you like something, the more your mind gets sensitive to losing that. And the more you hate something, the more painfully aware you become of its unwanted existence. In Vajrayana Buddhism we usually do not see external events as reward or ...


7

Routine is a good thing to have for a Buddhist, I believe. While this will vary person to person based on their circumstances, these are my suggestions to incorporate in a daily routine of a lay Buddhist. Throughout the day continue to maintain and develop the 10 skillful deeds. efface and prevent the 10 unskillful deeds. http://www.accesstoinsight.org/...


7

Every worker has a duty to become proficient in & do their work. A proper leader must nurture this. Also, rude speech is improper in the workplace; just as rude speech is improper in Buddhism. In reality, the values in original Pali Buddhism perfectly fit a secular world. For example, if the Pali scriptures are read, it will not be found the Buddha ...


7

As my teacher explained, living with the feeling of wrongness is the very essence of samsara. This constant feeling that you don't like your work, don't want to do it, and are forced to endure it only for survival - is NOT a normal condition. You should not force yourself to live like this year after year after year. When you have inner conflict, you don't ...


6

I think I see your karmic situation very clearly. You have a very strong predisposition to become a serious Buddhist. As they say these days, "you are a natural". At the same time, you're kinda late in your cycle being in your 30s. If you start now you may not finish by the end of this life -- and in a next life, while major karmic and mental dispositions ...


6

Sometimes a little perspective would help. The truth is for anyone in your situation right now, there're hundreds others around the world who are suffering much worse. Just imagine, while you're sitting in a cozy home contemplating about directions in life, there're men in Syria, Aghganistan, Africa, etc.. frantically trying all they can to stay safe from ...


6

My mother and I saw a cat today by the side of the road, which had probably been hit by a car. Its back legs were outstretched, it didn't walk, I guessed its lower back was broken. It miaowed to us. We went to find the owner of the nearby house, I told him that I had the regret to inform him that etc., he said that it sounded like his cat and we went to ...


5

I too am on public transport for a reasonable part of the day. When I look around at my fellow passengers it's always notable to me how many are not present. The majority of people are on phones, checking social media, listening to music, flicking through a newspaper, doing anything but being present. It is rare to see people just sat there. This isn't to ...


5

There really isn't anything quite like ashrama in Buddhism, at least as it applies to an individual person's life. Buddhism takes a simple view that one is born, lives, and then dies, within a cycle of saṃsāra (a belief shared with Hinduism). Within the context of that life, one is either awakened or one isn't. I think it's interesting, since Buddhism ...


5

I don't remember which teacher or even which tradition I've heard this from, but I definitely remember some Buddhist teacher specifically advising to focus on "that sheep that fell far behind". This wasn't about skills per se, he didn't mean we should keep picking up skills like skydiving, motocross, crocheting etc - and other such ones that we are "bad at"....


5

You simply have to stop trying so hard to please this 'I'. Focus on being helpful to others. Focus on doing good deeds and gaining merits. Stop looking for new things to entertain yourself. Instead, keep looking for ways to help others, including your girlfriend, parents etc. Don't expect entertainment out of your job. Do it to earn money and use that money ...


5

"Chethanaham Bikkhawe Kammam Wadami" - volition is Karma Did you not prevent it because mice are usually an annoyance and 1 less mouse makes your life better? If so, it's bad Karma. Later you may make up an excuse like "not wanting to interfere with nature". But what matters is the intention at the time. If you were wishing for the mouse to escape, it is ...


5

I think this question is a duplicate of: Enlightened Lies - Can lying be the correct action in certain situations? Should a person never lie? "Duplicate" means that the answers to those questions should answer your question. You wrote, we have to lie, we will lie to wife, we will lie in the working place, we will lie to our mother father ... but I'm ...


5

There are no sins in Buddhism, only skillful and unskillful behaviors. You have to ask yourself whether the behavior causes suffering. If it causes suffering you shouldn't do it. Not because it is a sin, but because it causes suffering.


5

There are four conditions for wrong conduct in sexual pleasures. There must be a man or woman with whom it is improper to have sexual intercourse. There must be intention to have sexual intercourse with such a person. Action must be taken to have such an intercourse. There must be enjoyment from contact of the sexual organs. With reference to the first ...


5

So this raises a dilemma. Continue being gentle and compassionate with loving kindness, and get eaten. Or react harshly when necessary and risk darkening ourselves. Or, is there a proper middle path? I hope this is a false dilemma. Some of the Buddhist principles that might help you to prosper (rather than "to be eaten") include: Right livelihood (work ...


4

Are expectations the root of unhappiness? I think the "root" of unhappiness is (according to the second noble truth) meant to be various types of "craving" e.g. as described here. Slightly more broadly, the three poisons are said to be at the "root" of the wheel of life. Is being ambitious a bad thing? I think the Buddhist concept called "Right Intention"...


4

According to Triyana framework as presented by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, the first stage of Buddhist training, known as "Hinayana", involves special emphasis on discipline and simplicity, in essence very similar to what you call "austerity" above. The idea is to reduce the coarse defilements by restricting activities that lead to experiences that sustain ...


4

There is good discussion in this article, this article and this article. You can read those for much advice. For canonical advice: The Sigalovada Sutta states: The wise endowed with virtue Shine forth like a burning fire, Gathering wealth as bees do honey And heaping it up like an ant hill. Once wealth is accumulated, Family and household life may ...


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