Hot answers tagged

12

The issue is mostly between you & your fiancé (rather than the guy) since it is your fiancé that must establish appropriate boundaries with the guy. If he is to remain your friend, naturally he should apologise to both of you. If he remains your friend, you must communicate your personal concerns directly to him (rather than hold them within you). ...


11

Anger is eradicated at the 3rd stage(Anagami) of enlightenment. Lord Buddha is fully enlightened. It is impossible to make him or any other being who has reached or passed the stage of Anagami, angry.


10

The idea is called catharsis and it basically treats anger like hot water or steam that can be released when the pressure is too much. It is true that letting anger out like that does tend to produce relief, but many psychologists are of the opinion that doing so just creates a positive reinforcement of the angry behavior and over the long term simply ...


10

In Buddhism, there are many methods to deal with anger. The method of accepting anger is a method of 'non-conflict'. By fully acknowledging & accepting anger in an open way, you can develop some objectivity towards & independence from the anger (in that it will not control your behaviour) and, importantly, give anger the space to subside. The method ...


9

Is there anything wrong with letting the anger out, from a Buddhist's standpoint? Generally speaking yes, letting the anger out is wrong, but precise answer as to why it is wrong and what to do instead depends on a school: From Theravada's standpoint, acting on akusala (pathological) thoughts and emotions is bad karma and serves to feed corresponding ...


8

As others have said, the Buddha would not have gotten angry. There are however, suttas which show his sternness such as Kucchivikara-vatthu: The Monk with Dysentery In this sutta, the Buddha and Venerable Ananda come across a very sick and neglected monk lying in his own filth in a monastery. The Buddha shows compassion and along with Ananda cleans the sick ...


7

The feeling of pride is okay in the sense that it is conditioned so long as you do not act following that feeling. That you are able to notice the arising of the feeling shows some mindfulness and restraint. Conceit is one of the 10 fetters to be abandoned by an Anagami, the last stage of the practice. So long as you are not holding on to that pride or ...


7

A very apt verse in the case of anger is this one from Dhammapada - Na Hi Verena Verani - Hatred is never appeased by Hatred. It is appeased only by loving kindness. Here is the Dhamma talk by Ven. Yuttadhammo on that particular verse. Although there are certain differences in anger and hatred, the basic approach will be the same - Remain equanimous by ...


7

If you are looking for a Buddhist answer you will have to accept that the Buddhist approach largely involves changing how you view the situation rather than changing what the situation is. You haven't mentioned any techniques you tried for dealing with the situation so here are three Use metta meditation to develop compassion for your friend, your fiance, ...


5

The solution is to use Metta (loving kindness). For canonical description of Metta, please see the Karaniya Metta Sutta, Metta Sutta and the Mettanisamsa Sutta. Information on how to practise Metta can be found here and here. These are quite specific and written by Ven. Dhammarakkhita and Ven. Buddharakkhita. These are too long to quote here. Hateful ...


5

One of my early teachers suggested: Externalize the core of anger within yourself as "not me". Meaning, you say to yourself "this is my ego getting angry", "this is my ego feeling hurt", or "this is my ego wants to feel superior" etc. Blame it on the ego, then discipline the ego like a misbehaving child. identify the source of anger in an attachment. You ...


5

From the perspective of training I received, this is a (very) obvious case of "attachment" - to things being "right", and likely also to success and praise. I suspect, your frustration and anger are your reactions to dukkha generated when in your mind there is a mismatch between your expectation of how the task is supposed to proceed, and how it actually ...


5

There is no matching concept for the Abrahamic angelic doctrine, because the existence of god(s) is quite irrelevant to the goal of Buddhism: enlightenment, which can only be gained through personal experience. The only two concepts that could be confused with angels are devas (the same root as our word "divine") and bodhisattvas. However they ...


4

Wrathful Buddhas (or wrathful gurus for that matter) are not actually angry, in the way untrained people are. In Vajrayana before we even reach highest tantra, we learn to transmute emotions. If you are not good at it yet, at the very least you should be able to transmute anger into headache. Once you reach some mastery though, you can transmute any emotion ...


4

Stop focusing on "other people" and focus on the experience. Focus on what causes anger to arise in the mind. ex: If someone scolds at you, it's just sound hitting the ears. What's wrong with sound hitting the ears? Why you need to get so upset about it? Anger arises due to ignorance. Ignorance personifies the experiences caused by bad Karma. That leads ...


4

This is my personal favorite. I have had this happen so many times although the victim was my mother who had to do a lot of things and I contributed a bit in a constructive fashion. This seems to be a fairly common case experienced by many hospitable people. So the deal here is that I would not worry what the noble eight fold path says or whatever. This is ...


4

There is no place for anger in Buddhism for any reason. Right effort is what is required.


4

When we want to deal with someone, we need to first understand that someone. The more information or knowledge we have of that someone, the easier it gets. Now in the case of your mother, isn't it obvious that she desires to stay on the phone as long as possible with you? She doesn't do the same when you're physically with her, because she's happy enough ...


3

Here are some sutta references that deal with subduing ill will and offer techniques for doing so. http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an05/an05.162.than.html http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an10/an10.080.than.html http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an05/an05.161.than.html http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/mahasati10.htm http://...


3

It is hard to offer concrete suggestions or even precisely guess what's happening without more information about your practice and your background; that said, it looks like your practice is sincere, and it is working. Often when the practice begins to bite, irritability and impatience may increase - it is a learning moment, and a teacher. Find the three ...


3

Loving kindness or Metta meditation is the one recommended to counter anger. What you are talking about is a Vipassana meditation. Both work! But you need to keep practicing. The more you practice, the quicker you can observe. For me personally, observing the Anatta nature of anger helps to dissipate it fast. "sometime it is little bit too late to observer ...


3

I was able to feel in peace even though the situation, while he let that unrest him and feel anger. The Brahmavihara Sutta (see also Wikipedia) mentions 'sublime attitudes' including equanimity and compassion. To the extent that you develop equanimity, to that extent perhaps you can be content. If arrogance arises, so that you are no longer in a state of ...


3

The root of this is in the perception: you have perception of something which does not hold which you react to. You deluded by the perception and react with aversion or attachment If this is directed at a person: you have a perception of your self as an entity and another person as an entity in you entity view you attach or associate certain attributes ...


3

Yes that's verse 3 of the opening chapter of the Dhammapada, Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure ...


3

I'd suggest to leave anapanasati behind, do low-concentration ("dry") vipassana which will make you face and learn to face the anger (you will learn how to not attach to it, let it come & go, not judge yourself for it, not analyze and not make theories about the pain it causes), dtto for the back pain. There is nothing wrong with anger, it is your ...


3

There are 3 parties: you fiancé 3rd party What you have is worry, hate and anger. This is normal for a worldling but this creates bad Karma and lower future for you. Your fiancé is compassionate but should strengthen her resolve not to overstep the boundaries. The 3rd party has a problem with alcohol. Has weak moral resolve. The Buddhist path 1st ...


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