I have not been able to control my lust
"Abstain from sexual misconduct" has various interpretations, one of which is:
- Sex between consenting adults is OK
- Sexual assault, rape, is not OK
When you say, "I have not been able to control my lust" it's not clear what you're talking about; but basic compassion might be enough reason to deter you from assaulting people.
And I don't know you but I suspect you have been able to control your lust, frequently, perhaps most of the time.
Someone asked a question about controlling anger recently, on another site, How to get over anger at inconsiderate drivers, which I tried to answer by introducing Buddhist perspective. Maybe controlling anger is a skill you learn gradually, through repeated practice.
And it's gradual: it's not being "always angry" versus "never angry", and it's situational too; you might learn to avoid situations which make you angry, you might learn to avoid the desire to become angry, you might learn skills which you can use instead of becoming angry, you might learn how to let your anger disappear easily if it starts to arise.
Maybe the same is true of lust as it is of anger.
I try to remain mindful during acts of sexual gratification
I think that the Bhikkhuni Sutta suggests it's possible to be mindful when eating (to destroy old feelings [of hunger] and not create new feelings [from overeating]); and, even that craving (for awareness and for freedom) and conceit (that one can be like someone else who benefited from Buddhism) can be helpful. But, not sexual activity:
Sexual intercourse is to be abandoned. With regard to sexual intercourse, the Buddha declares the cutting off of the bridge.
I.e. if you do want to be "celibate" and "mindful" then you probably cannot do that "during acts of sexual gratification".
I remember a story wherein Buddha said to someone how one should eat as if they are eating their own child having lost in a desert
There are innumerable stories in the world, of women who visit allegedly spiritual teachers: the teachers engage in sexual activity with their students ... and the students don't get much out of it.
I suppose that might be true in Buddhism as well, for example:
Vipassana teacher Jack Kornfield quotes one unnamed female Buddhist teacher, wherein she talks about an "old" "realized" lama choosing a thirteen- to fourteen-year-old nun to become his sexual consort every year. After talking to "a number of Western women who had slept with their lamas" this same unnamed individual concludes the practice benefited only the lamas.
If you want to help other people then treating them as a sex object might be missing the point.
On the subject of being aware of the "unattractive", there's a story (I can't find it at the moment) of someone being shown an illusion of an attractive body, which then ages until it's old and ill and dies. I think that's supposed to teach you to not "fall in love with" the body.
Conversely, the Abhisanda Sutta suggests that breaking any of the precepts is dangerous and that by not breaking the precepts you gain various worthwhile rewards: so as well as considering "non-attractive" parts of lust it should be possible to be happy about the rewards from "abandoning" harmful behaviour and from "abstaining" from breaking precepts.