Buddhist explanation of self-worth/self-esteem?

Question

I am currently doing some emotional work, and in the process, I am recognizing that I have low self-worth and self-esteem. So, I am wondering, what are the roots of this?

I mean, this clearly exists as a phenomena but not necessarily as an elementary phenomena or ground truth. So, from a Buddhist perspective, what is this phenomena ultimately made up of?

It immediately comes to my mind that it is related to things feeling dualities like inferiority-superiority, hatred-love, aversion-craving, and somehow it is also related to confidence.

So, what are your views on it and how to improve it for a person who has low self-worth?

Answer 1

In Buddhism, there is the word 'saddha', which means 'confidence'. When a Buddhist practitioner develops confidence in the Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha, the mind of the practitioner itself will naturally have confidence.

Thus, related to this sense of confidence, Buddhism (eg AN 11.2) says a person that maintains virtuous conduct is free from remorse (because a virtuous person knows clearly they are not harming oneself & non-harming others. Refer to MN 61 about this practice).

In short, for a Buddhism layperson, it is important to follow the Five Precepts (and whatever other dhammas can be followed within one's capacity & means). When we know clearly we are not harming our self & not harming others; when we know the Buddha is good and we are living by the Buddha's standards, this should bring a sense of self-esteem & self-confidence.

We must be careful to avoid judging ourselves using the standards of the ordinary world (particularly in relation to money & sexualisation). The Dhammapada says:

167. Follow not the vulgar way; live not in heedlessness; hold not false views; linger not long in worldly existence.

We must also be careful to avoid judging ourselves using the standards of Higher Buddhism (because enlightenment is not easy).

The Buddha praised laypeople who practice generosity & maintain the Five Precepts; explaining these basic virtues are the path to a happy state.

Answer 2

how to improve it for a person who has low self-worth?

Well maybe:

• Beware of having "expectations". In my experience you get interpersonal conflict, when you expect someone to do something, and they don't do it. Conflict resolves when,

  • "What do you expect me to do?"
  • "I don't 'expect' you to do anything!"

  Perhaps this happens with intrapersonal conflict too.

• Associate with good people (SN 45.2)

• Keep the precepts, and do some good which you don't regret. That may be fundamental as an object of recollection (Sīlānussati)

• If possible learn to practice something worthwhile, learnable and practical -- perhaps by "comparing" with someone who's already practicing successfully, and/or self-comparison i.e. learning from personal experience.

feeling dualities like inferiority-superiority, hatred-love, aversion-craving

Maybe I find "dualities" confusing -- i.e. not a useful mental model for how things work.

I find the "presence/absence" model is less confusing, easier to understand -- maybe more spacious -- I mean like, "remorse / no remorse" is an example.

Skillful virtues have freedom from remorse as their purpose, Ananda, and freedom from remorse as their reward. (AN 11.1)

Maybe some people don't notice it -- i.e. they feel:

• "desire" for what's "attractive"
• "aversion" for what's "unpleasant"
• "ignorance or confusion" for what's "neither"

I mean you might say, "absence of remorse, that isn't much" -- but it's enough.

Another example of a simple "presence/absence" is, presence or absence of dukkha (like in the first and third noble truths).

In conclusion:

• Consider what's "blameless" and "praised by the wise" (AN 3.65)

• Dhammapada:

  183. Not to do evil, to cultivate merit, to purify one's mind - this is the Teaching of the Buddhas.
  184. The best moral practice is patience and forbearance; "Nibbana is Supreme", said the Buddhas. A bhikkhu does not harm others; one who harms others is not a bhikkhu.
  185. Not to revile, not to do any harm, to practise restraint according to the Fundamental Instructions for the bhikkhus, to be moderate in taking food, to dwell in a secluded place, to devote oneself to higher concentration - this is the Teaching of the Buddhas.

I am recognizing that I have low self-worth and self-esteem.

It might also be right to stop labelling yourself -- e.g. saying, "I have low self-worth" or "I am not self-confident", as if these were permanent states and difficult to change.

In the suttas people label states and ideas and so on, more so that labelling people -- e.g. "A feeling of doubt has arisen".

It might be more sensible to treat that as a temporary phenomenon, that's either informative (e.g. "... so perhaps I should double-check" or "... perhaps I should resume my concentration/focus" or "... perhaps I should attempt this differently"), or not informative (e.g. "... this is an unskilful thought, better to resume clarity than to get caught up in dwelling on this dukka which has arisen.").

Answer 3

So, I am wondering, what are the roots of this?

I think it is our expectation of ourselves. The greater the discrepancy between what is the perceived me and my perceived life versus the expected me and my expected life, the greater the mental discord and subsequent self-critique.

So, what are your views on it

Personally, I would take a step back and talk to my inner self. I think self-expectations are not a bad thing. They are an expression by our inner self to try and strive for happiness. We need to understand that what we do in reality has a reason. And what we would like to do or achieve (but are not currently), also has an equally valid reason. Surprisingly, if we examine, closely, both reasons originated from the same desire; a desire to be happy.

and how to improve it for a person who has low self-worth?

So why is a simple desire for myself to be happy creating so much suffering instead? If we ask our inner self whether it will still love us if we do not meet its expectations, what do you think its answer would be? It would always be a yes!

I don’t know if you agree with me but I think the only human who does not strive is a dead one. So, we know we will not be happy if we do not persevere despite the difficulties and challenges in our lives. So, let’s ask our inner self, if we tried and fail, would it still love us? It would be a definite yes. Then, what is there to fear? Let’s just try again. But what if we failed the second time? Well, ask the same question again. The answer would still be a yes. So, keep trying. I believe even if we tried till our last breath and still fail, the answer would still be a yes.

There is no need to be harsh on ourselves. Our inner self had always been forgiving towards us, it just wants the best for us (with its expectations). We are the one who cause all the unnecessary anguish through our unrealistic assessments such as “I should have succeeded on the first few tries” or “Why can’t I be like others?” or “Why am I so useless?”. Humans are all different, the only person who can realistically assess ourselves is us. Just work without fear or inner angst and with perseverance towards a lasting happiness and well-being. Why? Because we do love ourselves. Thus, we will do our best for ourselves and enjoy whatever challenges and struggles together.

Answer 4

It appears your question of low self-esteem has two parts. One when it relates to one's relationship with others and one when it relates to yourself.

OP: It immediately comes to my mind that it is related to things feeling dualities like inferiority-superiority, hatred-love, aversion-craving, and somehow it is also related to confidence.

This is when self-esteem relates to one's relationship with others. For this, the Buddhist technique to use is the Brahmaviharas.

The four brahmaviharas (sublime states of mind) are compassion (karuna), empathetic joy (mudita), loving kindness (metta) and equanimity (upekkha).

Compassion is directed at others who are suffering much worse than we are. We would want to help alleviate their suffering. It overcomes the feeling of contempt.

Empathetic joy is directed at others who are doing much better in life than we are. We would want to feel joy when others experience good fortune in their lives. It overcomes the feeling of envy and jealousy.

Loving kindness is directed at everyone (including ourselves) and includes everyone who are suffering no less and no more than we are. This covers the case of equals. We would want them all to experience happiness and contentment in their lives. This overcomes the feeling of hatred and ill will.

The above is how we relate and react to others. The next Brahmavihara relates to how we respond when others react to us.

Equanimity is how we respond when others react towards us in good or bad ways. We should not feel elated when praised or dismayed when chided. It overcomes passion and aversion.

The next one is the Buddhist technique to use when it comes to low self-esteem as it relates to yourself, by yourself.

Self-esteem is eroded by remorse. Remorse can be overcome by consistent practice of virtues in thought, word and deed. The minimum practice of virtues are the five precepts.

It's not good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you regret,
whose result you reap crying,
your face in tears.

It's good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you don't regret,
whose result you reap gratified,
happy at heart.
Dhp 67-68

Answer 5

This is Moha, the seed of delusion. The conditionality will change with time and effort into the purification of the mind.