To me it doesn't sound polite or kind to "deal with" family like you "deal with" a nuisance or a chore.
Your description of the problem sounds "conceited" as described here and here.
So I was wondering today what would Buddha do with such people?
I think he left home.
So far as I know the Buddha used to talk with people, or not talk -- and perhaps not "do" very much?
He did give advice to laypeople, there is this whole book which someone lent me once ...
- The Buddha's Teachings on Prosperity: At Home, At Work, in the World
(by Bhikkhu Basnagoda Rahula)
... which might help, it's all advice to laypeople (a lot of the Buddha's advice was for monks). It includes advice about family relationships, I think it's an accurate summary of suttas sorted by subject. I read it (a few years ago) and found it good. I don't have a copy so I can't quote it but I think you can buy it easily.
Any advice on such people from the Suttas or personal experience?
Personally if ever I feel a moment of annoyance, especially with family, I view that a (temporary, unpleasant) mistake on my part -- unskillful, rude (or childish, immature), hopefully quite rare, and a symptom of heedlessness.
More specifically, if ever I am driving I believe it's of utmost importance that I control myself and the car. I won't drive when intoxicated -- including "intoxicated by anger".
The Dhammapada says ...
- He who checks rising anger as a charioteer checks a rolling chariot, him I call a true charioteer. Others only hold the reins.
... but I don't entirely trust myself to "check" my anger after I am "feeling" angry. If the sequence is:
- Rising anger
- Anger "checked"
... the I may want some "alone" time or low stress (a walk, a nap, some work, or simply change the subject of conversation) to let the anger (physiological/chemical/hormonal reaction aka "poison") subside.
If I'm trapped in a room with someone who's upset, i.e. angry and loud, experience tells me that can be contagious after a while, i.e. begin to upset me too. Very occasionally in my life I have stopped the car (where it's safe to do so) because my passenger was having a tantrum.
This might have happened more often in my life if I had been driving children! I'm pretty sure my parents sometimes threatened to stop the car, when my brother and I were very young; maybe all parents do.
But driving with adults, my family's convention has been that it's the driver's job to mind the road and avoid accidents -- when I'm driving I sometimes ask for talk to stop when I need all my attention (like when merging onto a highway). A passenger then is free to tell a story if they want to -- or to navigate, read the map, and tell me which turn to take (in advance i.e. with plenty of time to do that safely, not at the last second).
I think that's fair.
My mum was a pre-school teacher so she's very experienced at dealing with small children, like nearly 40 years experience with more than 20 children a year. One bit of advice is to offer a child a choice of alternatives which you find acceptable. For example you don't ask "Do you want to go to school today?" because "No" is not an acceptable answer. But you might ask, "Which shirt do you want to wear to school today, this one, or this one?"
Similarly if someone is going to be a passenger it might be good to offer them some choice, some "agency", some deference (by letting them navigate if they want to,