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i'm after the sutta where the Buddha says something like 'you can get to know another person if you have some awareness and wisdom, but even then you must live close by and observe them in all their activities, not for a short time, but for a long time'.

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Traits - Ṭhāna Sutta (AN 4:192) That might be what you're thinking about:

“Monks, these four traits may be known by means of four (other) traits. Which four?

“It’s through living together that a person’s virtue may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

“It’s through dealing with a person that his purity may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

“It’s through adversity that a person’s endurance may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

“It’s through discussion that a person’s discernment may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.."

It continues in more detail after that point.

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  • Ah yes. i've been given SN3.11 but this version has the particular details i was seeking. thankyou
    – tony
    Dec 15, 2022 at 6:48

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