Destruction with intention is a manifestation of anger. And if the behavior is personally destructive, then there may be anger directed inwards. Anger is very tricky and slippery. Anger justifies itself and seeks to destroy either directly or indirectly. So we must proceed with extreme care.
SN1.71:2.3: What’s the one thing, Gotama,
SN1.71:2.4: whose killing you approve?”
SN1.71:3.1: “When anger’s incinerated you sleep at ease.
SN1.71:3.2: When anger’s incinerated there is no sorrow.
SN1.71:3.3: O deity, anger has a poisoned root
SN1.71:3.4: and a honey tip.
SN1.71:3.5: The noble ones praise its killing,
SN1.71:3.6: for when it’s incinerated there is no sorrow.”
In the Buddha's description of anger there is an eye-catching phrase anger has a poisoned root and an honey tip. When we see or hear this phrase, we have to think carefully, "what is the poisoned root and what is the honey tip?"
Anger arises from expectations thwarted. It arises from desires frustrated and denied. Wanting kindness, we might be surrounded by cruelty. And out of hopelessness and sorrow, anger and resentment might arise from craving that gentlest of touch, a simple kindness from others. That is the poisoned root of anger.
We cannot control the others, but we can control what happens here. We can offer kindness to others and be content with that. There will at least be kindness in the world.
But if the thought arises that one is "unworthy and undeserving" of kindness one has stepped on a land mine that will explode and main or kill us. One might be tempted to punish oneself for an imaginary transgression. And that temptation to exercise control through self-harm is quite dangerous. It is the siren call of destruction. It is the honey tip that keeps anger and resentment alive.
The Buddha teaches us to step away from anger and resentment. Unsupported, they will fade and cease on their own.
And in their place the Buddha teaches us the limitless releases of the heart through love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity.
Please be kind to yourself and allow that kindness within to grow and embrace others so that we all might suffer a little less. Let kindness, let metta guide you.
MN127:4.2: ‘Householder, develop the limitless release of heart.’