How to stop rejecting / avoiding things?

Question

I'm getting aversion when someone do things that I don't like. This happens when a person do and not on natural things like rain. But It is hard to recorgnise it as aversion because that aversion is not towards a person. I just don't like certain actions that affect me (Only the things that affects me in someway). I don't want to hit someone or to hurt someone. So I always try to avoid such situations. But It is not always possible and that avoiding proccess makes suffering, makes doubts. So, How can I stop avoiding things ? How can I practise more acceptance ? How can I face anything without getting aversion?

Answer 1

Very good question, focused on real and useful problem.

Mind generates aversion when things go contrary to what it believes is "right". This belief is called "attachment". For example you believe that only certain weather is good and that it should be that same weather most of the time.

So the first technique is to remember this as soon as you feel aversion (basically, as soon as you feel emotionally disturbed): "what is my attachment in this case?". Once you identify the attachment you should think: "this attachment is a cause of suffering and an obstacle to Enlightenment, I shall let it go". And then you should make effort to let go of that attachment. "I shall not be attached to what I think is good weather. I should enjoy all weather as it is."

The second technique is to turn problems into blessings by changing your perspective. Here's how. Every time you have some unpleasant experience, tell to yourself: "this is actually a blessing because it gives me chance to practice Dharma and reach Enlightenment." Thinking like this will immediately turn a negative experience into a positive, happy event. Instead of experiencing suffering your mind will be elated.

Initially, you may tend to keep forgetting these instructions. If that happens you will react automatically as you always did. That's okay, keep practicing, keep trying to remember. (This is called mindfulness.)

Eventually you will reach a point when the problems themselves will serve as automatic reminders. At which point the game is won: what was previously triggering aversion will now trigger recollection of Dharma.

Answer 2

Not sure whether it is a Buddhist perspective, i would like to share few things which may be of some sense to you. Please excuse my immature writing skills.

There are two streams of thoughts/ideas/concepts/feelings we are put up with in any life situation. In present case, first stream is the feeling/idea of aversion. Please don't assume i am denouncing that there is nothing called aversion. And the second stream is the idea of avoiding it.

If you can look at both of these streams and try to see how we play this never ending game of duality like, "this is how things are !! and this is how things should be", not just intellectually, even with a minute bit of intuitiveness if you can see yourself how the game is played, you are at the shore of great ocean called freedom.

Along with the instructions from Andrei try to see what i struggled to convey !!!. All the best in your journey!!!.

Answer 3

You reflect aversion is harmful to yourself & others; it causes stress to yourself & can even lead to physical disease, such as cancer. If you get angry at the other person in the wrong way or place, you can lose your job, etc, or get suspended by politically correct authorities.

You also reflect the Buddha taught the foundational element of the world is "ignorance". People do bad things due to ignorance. The Buddha said only a relative few people in the world are free from ignorance or blindness.

If the bad action is closely related to your life, family, work, etc, you should learn to calmly talk to the other person about their behavior.

Answer 4

The rain is cold. With too much rain we can die of exposure. Knowing a body is cold, we can shield it or take it to a dry place. The thought "I am cold" or "I am averse to cold" can be replaced with the simple thought, "there is wet. there is cold." Further thoughts can address the situation with "this is bearable" or "this should be remedied to avoid cruelty."

Aversion is unskillful in its reactiveness. The escape from aversion is skillful consideration:

SN7.2:3.1: Someone who, when abused, harassed, and attacked, abuses, harasses, and attacks in return is said to eat the food and have a reaction to it.
SN7.2:3.2: But we neither eat your food nor do we have a reaction to it.

Answer 5

"Come, bite your botty" sometimes help quick if telling angy children, or to "force" them looking, or need to look, into a mirror. Try it, when ever aversion arises.