Shouldn't we care only "What I think" instead of "What I + Others think"?

Question

Our own thoughts make something wholesome or unwholesome. Not what other's think. So, is there a need to care about what others think regarding a certain thing?

We can do good for others, but they might think that we do something bad for them. Isn't it their responsibility to think in a wholesome manner?

The title of this question should be "Should we care about what others think?", but I found a related question here:

Should we care about what others think?

However, it doesn't have any answers regarding this case (karma).

Kind regards

Answer 1

We should not harass other people, including with what is wholesome. The suttas say:

Enduring patience is the supreme austerity, Nibbāna is supreme say the Buddhas, for one gone forth does not hurt another, nor does an ascetic harass another. Dhammapada 184

Drawing in the mind’s thoughts As a tortoise draws its limbs into its shell, Independent, not harassing others, fully quenched, A bhikkhu would not blame anyone. SN 1.17

If we act with a wholesome intention, this is not wrong. But if we discover others are not interested in our wholesome intentions, we should refrain from harassing them & care about what they think.

However, if we unintentionally offend them with our wholesomeness, we have done nothing wrong. As Jesus said: "Do not give pearls to swine; do not give the children's food to the dogs; they will turn to attack & trample upon it".

Answer 2

I think it can be said that if our behavior is spotless, guided by true knowledge & due analysis, then in that case we do not need the external approval.

It is like knowing the truth, being in agreement with others is a different variable circumstance.

I sometimes think about the training and the relating to others along these lines; 'surely the principals of the training do not depend on other people because the principles of the training would not change if one was the only person around'.

Answer 3

The Kalama Sutta (AN 3.65) says:

So, as I said, Kalamas: 'Don't go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, "This contemplative is our teacher." When you know for yourselves that, "These qualities are unskillful; these qualities are blameworthy; these qualities are criticized by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to harm & to suffering" — then you should abandon them.' Thus was it said. And in reference to this was it said.

Now, Kalamas, don't go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, 'This contemplative is our teacher.' When you know for yourselves that, 'These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness' — then you should enter & remain in them.

I think that implies you should care about and understand, as well as "know for yourself", what wise people think.

I think there's a lot of mention too, in the suttas, about social harmony within the sangha -- and its being important to have good or spiritual friends -- I think that might be what's meant by "the holy life" (brahamacariya):

Not so, Ānanda! Not so, Ānanda!
“Mā hevaṃ, ānanda, mā hevaṃ, ānanda.

Good friends, companions, and associates are the whole of the spiritual life.
Sakalamevidaṃ, ānanda, brahmacariyaṃ, yadidaṃ—kalyāṇamittatā kalyāṇasahāyatā kalyāṇasampavaṅkatā.

SN 45.2

We also have precepts (e.g. to be harmless). They too are motivated by what other people think:

All tremble at violence; all fear death. Putting oneself in the place of another, one should not kill nor cause another to kill.

Dhp 129