1

Today, I have realized that I have lot of expectations about my life and about others. Until today, I didn't aware of it because,today I face a big disappointment.So, Experiences of expectations and hopes breakings are way to understand the nature of expectations. Other than that, What can I do to avoid expectations ?

4
  • Who exactly is is it that has these expectations? – user14119 Apr 18 '20 at 13:46
  • Very sorry, I can't understand your question (English isn't my native language) – Dum Apr 18 '20 at 14:32
  • 1
    I was suggesting that one way to deal with your expectations would be to deal with your sense of the 'I' that has these expectations. This is, of course, the heart of the practice. In this way the practice can deal with your expectations. But then, are you trying to deal with expectations or with the disappointment of broken hopes? Not quite the same thing. – user14119 Apr 18 '20 at 14:48
  • I write this here because it isn't an answer to your question; it is merely an idea that may be useful to keep in mind. I don't think expectations by themselves should be a problem; expectations just are the mental information about what to expect about phenomena and their consequences to the world and to us. I think the problem lies in the suppositions and assumptions underlying the expectations: if the assumptions are ignorant or false, it's probable that stress, frustration and hopelessness may arise. And so, the best to do is to keep in check our assumptions with Right Understanding. – Brian Díaz Flores Apr 19 '20 at 1:22
1

I don't think one can avoid having expectations in general because if we know the possibilty of an outcome we can be said to expect it to the extent to which it is known to be a possibility.

What one can prevent is having false expectations as these are due to general bewilderment and are a cause of suffering.

Understanding counters ignorance, removes delusion and is supported by learning.

Whether we favor one outcome over another and it causes grief is a related matter of attachment rooted in delusion.

Correct knowledge & understanding begets right expectations and dispassion.

1

Expectation is normal human behavior, there's nothing wrong with that. But there is something wrong if you are cling to it,

You need to have expectations for your life(if i get it right you mean the goals of your life) otherwise it's hard move on without a purpose. But the thing is don't let your self down once the expectations or dreams falls apart. Simply don't regret about what happened, it's also makes mind impure.

What you can do for having less expectation is that think about the Death, what happens the next moment if i die, where would this thoughts leads me(afterlife).

I hope this would help.

1

I piece of (non-Buddhist) advice I read once is that you shouldn't reward young children for being successful. Consider this scenario:

  • Give a group of children a task to do
  • When it finishes, praise half of them for succeeding, praise the other half for trying
  • Give them another, more difficult task -- those who are motivated by success will be inclined to give up if they think they can't succeed (those who are motivated by trying, by engaging with the task, by the effort, are more likely to continue)

I think I might have read something like that advice in a Buddhist context, here (i.e. "live with cause"):

No Attachment to Dust

Zengetsu, a Chinese master of the T'ang dynasty, wrote the following advice for his pupils:

Living in the world yet not forming attachments to the dust of the world is the way of a true Zen student.

When witnessing the good action of another encourage yourself to follow his example. Hearing of the mistaken action of another, advise yourself not to emulate it.

Even though alone in a dark room, be as if you were facing a noble guest. Express your feelings, but become no more expressive than your true nature.

Poverty is your treasure. Never exchange it for an easy life.

A person may appear a fool and yet not be one. He may only be guarding his wisdom carefully.

Virtues are the fruit of self-discipline and do not drop from heaven of themselves as does rain or snow.

Modesty is the foundation of all virtues. Let your neighbors discover you before you make yourself known to them.

A noble heart never forces itself forward. Its words are as rare gems, seldom displayed and of great value.

To a sincere student, every day is a fortunate day. Time passes but he never lags behind. Neither glory nor shame can move him.

Censure yourself, never another. Do not discuss right and wrong.

Some things, though right, were considered wrong for generations. Since the value of righteousness may be recognized after centuries, there is no need to crave an immediate appreciation.

Live with cause and leave results to the great law of the universe. Pass each day in peaceful contemplation.

0

It is quite difficult but possible to reduce expectations in daily life.

Start with realising that everything you get is because of the Karma you have acquired through your previous births. Sometimes the things you recieve may not only be affected by Karma but by effort as well (Eg: Results of an exam) but sometimes things happen that you just have to accept and move on as everything is temproary and we won't live for much long anyways. Try to always see the good side of things even of the outcome is bad.

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.