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How to let go your own children. They are giving hard time for me. I can't go even . Because they are young.but have problems.

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What do you think, Rahula: What is a mirror for?"

"For reflection, sir."

"In the same way, Rahula, bodily actions, verbal actions, & mental actions are to be done with repeated reflection.

"Whenever you want to do a bodily action, you should reflect on it: 'This bodily action I want to do — would it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Would it be an unskillful bodily action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it would lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both; it would be an unskillful bodily action with painful consequences, painful results, then any bodily action of that sort is absolutely unfit for you to do. But if on reflection you know that it would not cause affliction... it would be a skillful bodily action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results, then any bodily action of that sort is fit for you to do.

"While you are doing a bodily action, you should reflect on it: 'This bodily action I am doing — is it leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Is it an unskillful bodily action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it is leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both... you should give it up. But if on reflection you know that it is not... you may continue with it.

"Having done a bodily action, you should reflect on it: 'This bodily action I have done — did it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Was it an unskillful bodily action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it led to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both; it was an unskillful bodily action with painful consequences, painful results, then you should confess it, reveal it, lay it open to the Teacher or to a knowledgeable companion in the holy life. Having confessed it... you should exercise restraint in the future. But if on reflection you know that it did not lead to affliction... it was a skillful bodily action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results, then you should stay mentally refreshed & joyful, training day & night in skillful mental qualities.

Majjhima Nikaya 61

Concentrate on whether your behaviour is beneficial to you and them, and if not, adjust it accordingly.

This is by Kahlil Gibran, not a Buddhist, but the jist of his thought is not un-Buddhist!

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

My child is very stubborn, he is 5, and mostly learns through his own errors, not my translation of my errors to him - in my hope he avoids them for himself a-priori. People learn from their own errors for the most part, we can only guide them if they accept guidance. If they don't, guidance will only push them away or to rebellion, better accept if they demand distance, and wait until they see their errors, and return.

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  • My husband is trying to convince my children that I am doing something wrong for them.so they hurt me. Now it is serious and I can't tolerate it anymore. How can I stay with them.he try to laugh at me with my children. – Buddhika Kitsiri Apr 27 at 22:03
  • @BuddhikaKitsiri Sorry you're still having trouble. It's unlikely that most users will see this comment -- you might get more answers if you post it as a new question instead of as a comment. – ChrisW Apr 28 at 9:35
  • Sorry to hear you are having such trouble. Maybe try and find a third person you can both discuss your issues with? Putting a wedge between you and your children by commenting on how you raise them, instead of directly taking up this issue with you is not the right way to solve problems. Ask your children why your husband doesn't speak to you directly, since after all to solve a problem you must deal with the root of it. If he laughs at you doing your best, ask him and your children if that action is beneficial, and who benefits from it! Do ask another question though, people are helpful here! – Ilya Grushevskiy Apr 28 at 14:44
  • No point discuss with a third person. I ask him to go for counselling. He said no. What he expect doing things like that. Did he want me to leave. My younger daughter has an eye defect. So doctor ask her to only watch t.v 1/an hour per day. But he try to let her watch more than that and sometimes he try to show videos from his apple phone which is not totally acceptable. I am very sad and can't give up because they are my children. Don't know what to do. – Buddhika Kitsiri Apr 30 at 13:44
  • A parent should form the kids to do what is beneficial for them. Does your husband think a lot of TV is beneficial for them? How? There is what people want and what people need - kids will always choose what they want over what they need, and a parent should encourage what then need - kindness, education, safety. Maybe devise a way to use the tablet in an educational way. My kid watches numberblocks, alphablocks, so we usually don't complain if he does 3 hours of spelling in front of a screen. But 3 hours of cartoons is a different thing! Try and adjust the behaviour to be more useful maybe! – Ilya Grushevskiy May 1 at 7:16
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The solution to your question is first of all making own mind peaceful. For this you can start with the practice of anapana meditation .

Once you start becoming peaceful with this in few days then make your children sit with you for meditation 5-10 minutes.

For all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh5ii6R6LTM

For Children https://www.vridhamma.org/Anapana-and-Children

Thanks Dhamma!

Dhamma means universal

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