I am not geographically close to this woman, nor do I ever talk to her, she's just my teenage obsession that lingers on my mind. I am too much attached to my perceptions about how she is, and because I cannot be near to her geography nor can I talk to her because of a past issue, I feel emptiness inside me. I feel lonely and I crave presence. I satisfying this craving my visualisations and fantasies. How can I get rid of this from deep inside. I have gotten rid of this from conscious thinking, but deep inside it still exists. Currently I am practicing 32 Body part meditation, Vipassana and Anapana Meditation. Can you suggest any specific exercise that would help me with this particular issue?

  • This recent question seems relevant; the answers are about understanding love from a buddhist perspective Commented Jan 14, 2020 at 17:28
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    "The surest way to miss enlightenment is to seek it." and it applies here to. As @yeshe-tenley said: "let it be", with a caveat that you can't.
    – Anton
    Commented Jan 14, 2020 at 19:35

4 Answers 4


Mix kaya-vipassana, sensation-vipassana and citta-vipassana from Satipatthana. Making these 3 as 1 and practicing in alternate(random) manner will let you know the reasons deep inside.

Some of them will be::
1.) Sexual desire deep within/behind thoughts about her.

2.) Too much coldness on 2 particular lining area(in lines) between navel and privates.

3.) Heat within body, especially in bum-area, chest-area, face-area.

4.) Gaseous pressure in intestines.

5.) Some tingling type sensation on head part(just below hair). This tingling will seem to be from navel to head, as sexual desire increases.

6.) Might see some whiteness within closed eyes-- a state of ignorance-dominance. Anapaan and sensations-awareness will help. During this state, stop thinking, remember wholesome activity... as in sallekh sutta, determination after 8th attainment part.

7.) Visualizations about her are the most troublesome part. These may seem to be actual, remain aware that these are due to your creations and appear whenever you think about her or crave for her presence which is not moral(doing it without approval of a 'loved-one' whom you respected the most, once) and unwholesome.

8.) Food- Eat only that much amount which is sufficient enough to keep this body alive to do daily activity-- you might have to do some experiments of different quantity. Stop eating food that generates too much heat in body.

I am too much attached to my perceptions
This in itself shows, how much aware you are and you are perfect to do citta-vipassana.

Don't hate these feelings, don't even entertain them, just neglect them as you would do for some other during those teenage times, i.e. tackling thoughts with same amount of reverse.
Be silent within whenever she appears, start seeing visualizations as a 'ghost-memory'.

If you did too-much one-sided-love within mind, there might be a need to maintain above wholesome presence regarding these ghost-visualizations&thoughts within center of brain.

To reach inside brain, 1st note that pressure in forehead is-- when we want to control our desires within to make decisions which might seem beneficial to us(not 8 fold noble path).

Once you are aware of such, start accepting whatever the situation is just like a stranger.

Slowly-slowly, that barrier of pressure will stop and you will be able to accept every situation as they are.

Just inside skull, sensation will be seemingly nothing or soft or never sensed before. Another way to reach brain-centet is also through inside-of-neck, still pressure of wrong decisions can only be sensed in forehead.

But remember one thing here, even a tiny bit of unwholesomeness during brain journey will make you run like tiger in wrong path-- very critical area.

Stay in touch of strangers(!) nearby your home
Physical fitness and exercise is important
Depression might result, if you don't stop visualizing and fantasizing.



First, know that you are not alone. Nearly every person experiences something like this to varying degrees and intensity at some points in time.

Second, realize that this has nothing to do with her. This is about your own internal emotions and desires and fantasies. You are experiencing self-cherishing. In all of these obsessions and fantasies it is not an external person who is the focus of your thoughts - although I am sure it absolutely feels like it - it is actually yourself that is the focus.

Third, to really get a good sense for this ask yourself whose wellbeing are you truly concerned with when these thoughts come up? Is it this far away person who is probably quite different from your internal idea of her? Are you concerned with her day-to-day well being? Or is it yourself?

Fourth, realize that this self-cherishing is unsatisfactory and is leading you to suffering. You already do recognize this to some extent and that is why you are asking this question. Rejoice that you have recognized it! Now deepen it. It is you that is suffering with this.

Fifth, let it be. These negative self-cherishing emotions arise based on countless karma and habits that you have been acquiring for a very very very long time. You can’t just make them or force them to go away. So let them be and don’t give them added energy. When they come up try and recognize them for what they are: self-cherishing thoughts that lead to suffering.

Sixth, practice other-cherishing. When you are not beset by these thoughts, try to establish the habit of truly caring for and working toward and wishing for the well-being of others. The only way to truly rid yourself of those self-cherishing thoughts is to create the habit of other-cherishing and gradually replace one habit with another. This will take time.

Seventh, be honest with yourself and the whole situation. You have established a very bad habit that is hurting and it will take time and effort to replace it. Be gentle with yourself and cherish others.

  • We have twice as many female ancestors as male. Why? Because, in each generation, half of the men have their genes exterminated. This is scientific fact. Just because sexual selection favors the zero sum game does not mean that allowing this situation to continue is skillful. Cultivate virya! Cultivate an aversion to weakness. The Buddha was warrior caste and he opposed the Brahmin caste.
    – Alex Ryan
    Commented Jul 28, 2021 at 18:46

I also had a girl that I loved so much and her presence is always on my mind till now .Its actually not a problem ,its beautiful ,because her idea in my mind was actually a discovery of myself ,her idea in my mind is not her ,its what I receive from her but it isn't her.Once you grasp this ,every time here presence ,her picture shows in your mind,her smile ,laugh ,closeness shows up ,you will celebrate the love, the beauty ,it will be like receiving candies .You are cerebrating the manifestation instead of fighting it by vipassana ,yoga ,32 or 42 part meditation.

You can do something creative like drawing her or writing a song or poetry to express your emotions .


These bonds are hard to break. What you want to is basically doing away with the lower fetters, it would entail becoming Ariyan.

The technique is to hear the true Dhamma, memorize the teaching, evaluate the teaching, come to agreement, get the desire, become willing, contemplate and finally exert yourself to realize the true meaning and experience the Dhamma with your body.

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