Parents suppressing the teaching

Question

I love my parents, but for some reason they do not understand my teaching and misinterpret what I say and won't listen to me. Their misinterpretations led them to take all of my books on Buddhism I was studying as well as prevent me from meditation whenever I try or try to be mindful of doing anything, they prevent me from having to do with the Buddha's teachings (However, I can still do online things in secret as you can see). They say that when I leave the house or grow to a sufficient age, then I can resume, but for now, they have the right to take away my religion basically and it is really putting a hard toll on my spiritual growth and practice for purity. They hope it will fade away, but I have used the Dhamma as my practice for two years now and I have grown to know its truth, unlike my parents.

Does anyone have any recommendations on what I should do? Are there any ways I can continue the practice even though my parents work effortlessly for me not to do so? How can I work to show metta to them when I want to but get frustrations when they push away my teachings or speak as if Buddhism is a "cult" that makes me anti-social and a bad person, even though I have explained all of it to them?

Please help! Metta!

Answer 1

You should not be teaching your parents Buddhism. It is forbidden in Buddhism to teach others Buddhism; unless the other people request to be taught (AN 9.5).

You should not be practising "zombie mindfulness" in sight of your parents because this will freak them out. As a Buddhist, your practise is to not cause harm or distress to others. In your parent's home, when with others, you should act naturally and normally.

Apart from this, there is nothing stopping you from meditating in private and also practising right speech, right action & right livelihood in public.

Buddhism (DN 31) says your parents have the duty to train you for a profession, i.e., ensure you receive an education. Your Buddhism should not interfere with your schooling and education.

Answer 2

You don't have to make a show out of your Dharma. You don't need to make it fly in your parents faces. There's no need to convince them of anything. Buddhism is what you practice in your mind. No-one needs to know. In fact, making it a secret practice only makes it more powerful.

When you practice the perfect Buddhism - which is defined as Buddhism without Ego - on the outside you will be perfect, too.

Answer 3

When we care about someone we want to share good things with them. If they don't want that gift it can be painful. We must respect their decision to accept or reject the gift.

Part of growing up is to take responsibility for our own life and how we choose to live. Your parents may be scared that you are growing up fast. They may find it difficult to understand that you have found something important for yourself that is different from the life they had in mind for you. During growing up this is often a source of tension and arguments between parents and children. Eventually a child's way of life becomes their own responsibility, but along the way, the parents give the best guidance they can (even if they are not always so well-informed). Arguments about who's way is right are normal and to be expected, even if it is painful to have those arguments. The arguments are a sign that they care about your life and want the best for you (as they see it).

At times it can be valuable to have another adult to discuss these things with, a teacher or counsellor, an aunt or uncle or just a family friend.

Answer 4

In the past I wondered why Buddhism was a small religion (Theravada). Later I realised that the truth does not need to be told and spread fanatically as the Truth will be slowly emerge to them with Karma.

People are ignorant, therefore they will not like to listen to the Truth. Once you know the Truth, stick to it, live that way. You do not need to teach others as if they have not much good Karma they won't understand the truth as they will live in ignorance.

Answer 5

Consider that some parents take away childern's video games, rigs and or cables because they do no approve. It's very standard thing, if it wasn't Buddhism it would probably be something else.

Just keep doing your thing where there is an opening and develop your understanding and the expression of meaning so that you can later establish effective communication with your parents and straighten them out, this is good for you and that way you can express your gratitude for showing you the world and repay your debt to them.

Also i would advice any parent to keep their children from religious sects even the contemporary Buddhist traditions, i would do so lest i was fairly confident they would be capable of providing adequate training and not confuse the young person. There are many Buddhist monks who hold wrong views, even in the time of the Buddha.

Your parents are just looking out for you imho and you would be well adviced to identify as an Analyst rather than a Buddhist, be one who analyzes, searches for truth, committed to discovery of philosophical principles and elimination of delusional ideas.

If you present yourself in this way to outsiders you avoid all association with any particular religious sect even if you say you study the Pali Canon and approve of that exposition. Buddha said himself he was teaching the doctrine of Analysis so maybe you would be more accurately describing yourself in the forementioned manner.