OP: In daily life, I guess my self-grasping is not very salient; people tell me I'm considerate, open.
Just because you're considerate and open, doesn't mean you're not self-grasping.
Even if you think "I am considerate and open" and feel happy about that, that's already self-grasping because you're associating some mental ideas to your self.
This can be see in SN 22.59:
"And is that which is inconstant easeful or stressful?"
"Stressful, lord."
"And is it fitting to regard what is inconstant, stressful, subject to
change as: 'This is mine. This is my self. This is what I am'?"
"No, lord."
However, for lay persons who are not stream enterers, I think recollecting examples of when you were considerate and open, is more skillful than having the three poisons occupying the mind, because it brings some joy to your mind and removes the three poisons.
We see recollection of virtues and generosity in AN 11.13:
"Furthermore, there is the case where you recollect your own virtues:
'[They are] untorn, unbroken, unspotted, unsplattered, liberating,
praised by the wise, untarnished, conducive to concentration.' At any
time when a disciple of the noble ones is recollecting virtue, his
mind is not overcome with passion, not overcome with aversion, not
overcome with delusion. His mind heads straight, based on virtue. And
when the mind is headed straight, the disciple of the noble ones gains
a sense of the goal, gains a sense of the Dhamma, gains joy connected
with the Dhamma. In one who is joyful, rapture arises. In one who is
rapturous, the body grows calm. One whose body is calmed experiences
ease. In one at ease, the mind becomes concentrated.
"Mahanama, you should develop this recollection of virtue while you
are walking, while you are standing, while you are sitting, while you
are lying down, while you are busy at work, while you are resting in
your home crowded with children.
"Furthermore, there is the case where you recollect your own
generosity: 'It is a gain, a great gain for me, that — among people
overcome with the stain of possessiveness — I live at home, my
awareness cleansed of the stain of possessiveness, freely generous,
openhanded, delighting in being magnanimous, responsive to requests,
delighting in the distribution of alms.' At any time when a disciple
of the noble ones is recollecting generosity, his mind is not overcome
with passion, not overcome with aversion, not overcome with delusion.
His mind heads straight, based on generosity. And when the mind is
headed straight, the disciple of the noble ones gains a sense of the
goal, gains a sense of the Dhamma, gains joy connected with the
Dhamma. In one who is joyful, rapture arises. In one who is rapturous,
the body grows calm. One whose body is calmed experiences ease. In one
at ease, the mind becomes concentrated.
So, it's OK to recollect examples of one's virtues and generosity.
OP: Or perhaps, could writing down and elaborating grandiose, self-themed stories exacerbate self-grasping which would otherwise be
much less?
Oh yes, from SN 42.2:
Then Talaputa, the head of an acting troupe, went to the Blessed One
and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As he was
sitting there he said to the Blessed One: "Lord, I have heard that it
has been passed down by the ancient teaching lineage of actors that
'When an actor on the stage, in the midst of a festival, makes people
laugh & gives them delight with his imitation of reality, then with
the breakup of the body, after death, he is reborn in the company of
the laughing devas.' What does the Blessed One have to say about
that?"
"Apparently, headman, I haven't been able to get past you by saying,
'Enough, headman, put that aside. Don't ask me that.' So I will simply
answer you. Any beings who are not devoid of passion to begin with,
who are bound by the bond of passion, focus with even more passion on
things inspiring passion presented by an actor on stage in the midst
of a festival. Any beings who are not devoid of aversion to begin
with, who are bound by the bond of aversion, focus with even more
aversion on things inspiring aversion presented by an actor on stage
in the midst of a festival. Any beings who are not devoid of delusion
to begin with, who are bound by the bond of delusion, focus with even
more delusion on things inspiring delusion presented by an actor on
stage in the midst of a festival. Thus the actor — himself intoxicated
& heedless, having made others intoxicated & heedless — with the
breakup of the body, after death, is reborn in what is called the hell
of laughter. But if he holds such a view as this: 'When an actor on
the stage, in the midst of a festival, makes people laugh & gives them
delight with his imitation of reality, then with the breakup of the
body, after death, he is reborn in the company of the laughing devas,'
that is his wrong view. Now, there are two destinations for a person
with wrong view, I tell you: either hell or the animal womb."
Well, it's not the same as your case, but it's similar.
