Recently seeing questions on Buddhist stack exchange community I thought to ask this question.
My understanding that we can choose anyone as life partner the way Buddha said all about is kind of qualities and so on.
And Because of Buddhism is nothing but liberty that's why Buddha didn't impose this thing to followers just like in other religions.
So if it was like we should marry to Buddhist only then it were Dhamma's sake and would helpful to spreading Dhamma.
One another question is if both partners are from different religions then how they could lead their children?
May other partner have influence of it's own religion and may this would worse everything partner's child's and own life. I seen in other religion they are super religious to choose a partner.
Even my own experience my ex was a Muslim and she has great impact of religion on her since my thinking is being like that.
See we Indian mostly choose Buddhist to marry but absence of practicing Dhamma. So I'd choose the one who is Buddhist and practicing Dhamma as well then we could spread it well. Finally since both are Buddhist then its kind of package we have got everything in it. All qualities and as Buddha's way to choose a life partner.
So why Buddha speak about qualities instead advising people to find Buddhist partner that could one of the way to spread Dhamma?
Thank you.

  • 1
    What is the question here?
    – user14119
    Commented Sep 20, 2018 at 10:08
  • 1
    @PeterJ I've changed little and still not effective edit yourself and help. Thank you.
    – Swapnil
    Commented Sep 20, 2018 at 11:29

6 Answers 6


Choose a person with compatible generosity, compatible morality, compatible faith and compatible wisdom. That means even among Buddhists, you still have to filter out the potential spouses.

Marrying a person of a different religion could be highly problematic if you are a practicing Buddhist. I have seen some people make it work, but those are mostly people who are simply Buddhist by birth and not interested in it much and don't care about what religion their children pick. So either you have to be that way or the other person have to be that way to make it work.

  • Thank you Sankha Kulathantille Yes I want to filter out spouse grow Dhamma between family and teaching Dhamma to kids from childhood so they won't distract from path. I always try to teach my cousins but since under influence of tradition, superstition and false faith they merely doing deeds that may against Dhamma and not about Dhamma. Thank you for your invaluable time. :-)
    – Swapnil
    Commented Sep 20, 2018 at 16:30
  • You're welcome! Commented Sep 20, 2018 at 17:36
  • @Sankha kulanthantille Came across this post, what if your husband or wife-to-be has a job whose duty is to control the quality of wine or alcohol product prior selling them out. Right livelihood is not doing business in intoxicant, taking part in manufacturing it I believe can be considered "not right." Is this type of spouse-to-be can be considered right according to Buddhism?
    – B1100
    Commented Apr 27, 2020 at 6:12
  • 1
    @B1100 There's some advice in this topic: Any authentic sutta from any tradition that gives guidance on what kind of partner to choose?
    – ChrisW
    Commented Apr 27, 2020 at 10:06
  • 1
    @B1100 If you are looking for spiritual progress, don't get married. Stay celibate and meditate. Marrying is not something you must do. On the other hand, if she changes her profession, you were successful in bringing her to the correct path. That is something to be happy about. It also means she listens to you and values your opinion that much even to make such a drastic change. That means your relationship has a high chance of being successful. Commented May 1, 2020 at 6:16

Good to see that Nyom Swapnil seems to do fine.

The way to really support and be able to transport the Dhamma is to leave house and walk the Holy Life.

Why should the Buddha give advices for different dangerous path one might like to choose?

And yes, to grow in Dhamma is not a matter of birth or religion/tradition one has grown up in, but a matter of past nissaya paccaya, even more 'strong condition cause' (upanissayapaccaya).

[This is a gift of Dhamma, not meant for trade or exchange]

  • No @Samana Johann I'd say birth or religion/tradition impact on person and it distract from the path. In India I seen Dhamma isn't growing well. Still people following false faith superstition though Dr. B. R Ambedkar gifted Indians this holly Dhamma. What I've asked is any dangerous way to choose life? So I don't know what you all people think about me if I'm wrong or right. Thank for you invaluable time.
    – Swapnil
    Commented Sep 20, 2018 at 13:25
  • 1
    Welcome back Bhante. Have a pleasant time on Buddhism SE.
    – user2424
    Commented Sep 20, 2018 at 17:08

Spreading/growing dharma to others is not an obligation of a Buddhist. Only place it needs to grow as far as you are conserned is in yourself. You gain very little if not nothing by others following it.

If you want others to see the light, best thing you can do is to become the light.

  • I know not obligation of a Buddhist but I want to do. It's always my pleasure to bring people on right path if they're distracted. I like to tell Dhamma. I observed my relatives listen carefully and like to listen it's sign I'll make a big change or maybe little doesn't matter. Thank you for your time.
    – Swapnil
    Commented Sep 21, 2018 at 15:43
  • I'm with RRR here. Charity begins at home.
    – user14119
    Commented Sep 22, 2018 at 11:43

For practice if one finds a friend— prudent, well-behaved, and wise, mindful, joyful, live as one all troubles overcoming. --SNP1.3


It seems to me there is no simple answer for this one because there are many subtleties and possible scenarios. Some first thoughts...

It would all depend on what sort of religion people are practicing. A Christian and a Buddhist might be indistinguishable or utterly distinct depending on their approach to religion. A Buddhist believes there is only one true religion since there is only one true doctrine and its proponents may be called Christians, Buddhists, Sufis, Taoists, Muslims or have no name at all.

If we take the view that it's all about discovering truth then names don't matter. In real life, however, many religious folk are dogmatic rather than truth-seekers and where this is true it seems best to marry within our own belief-group to avoid endless arguments.

If a Buddhist and a Christian feel they cannot marry then I'd suggest that one or both of of them is misinterpreting the teachings of the founders. The Dalai Lama does not recommend that we abandon the religion of out birth for Buddhism or insist that we marry within Buddhism. Why would he? But marrying someone with similar spiritual or life goals and the same level of seriousness is bound to be sensible.

And in the end marrying another Buddhist is not going to help spread the Dharma unless we know enough abut it to know how to choose a partner. Buddhists are advised to spend their time with people of like-mind and helpful character but there's no mention of the name of their religion.

  • 1
    Yes true. But my thinking is being like that to spread Dhamma and I'm afraid to see it's not growing well in here so we both could lead ourselves then family, society here I can see like-minded couple can achieve it. It doesn't mean just want to have one born as Buddhist as I mentioned. Like Sankha Kulathantille said I need to filter out spouses for that I've ask to monk to find me one good partner. Thank you for your invaluable time.
    – Swapnil
    Commented Sep 21, 2018 at 10:34

So why Buddha speak about qualities instead advising people to find Buddhist partner that could one of the way to spread Dhamma?

I don't get the impression from the suttas that, at the time, the Buddha counted on lay-people to even really know what the Dhamma is, let alone to propagate it.

Very generally speaking the function of lay-people was, at best, to be virtuous and to support the monks (and so be able to hear the Dhamma, to take refuge, and so on).

Note that the suttas which we have are as were recorded by monks (at the "councils"), so...

One another question is if both partners are from different religions then how they could lead their children?

If you exclude violence, perhaps some of the fundamentals of ethics and wisdom may be quite similar across different religions -- see Golden Rule for example. Something like the sutta of the six directions may be good advice and well-said, but it seems to me universal, i.e. advice that might come from any parent of any religion.

Or, if or where ethics are not compatible across different religions, it was enough to say "look for a partner with compatible morals" (without specifying "compatible religions").

Also, to a certain extent, there were no "Buddhists" at the time when the Buddha was advising people.

I guess a main difference between different religions is in the different "rites and rituals", but I'm not sure that matters in the grand scheme of things (i.e. there are more important topics to be concerned with).

Another difference (between religions, or between Buddhism and other religions) is in the doctrine or view, of eternalism for example -- but maybe that (view of eternalism) isn't very far from what Buddhism might call "mundane right view", which I gather was maybe about the best you might expect from a lay-person anyway.

  • That would be the best answer. I'm agree with your answer Golden Rule as I mentioned Dhamma is nothing but liberty and so Buddha didn't imposed it. I expect that what Buddhism call "mundane right view" I expect beyond it that is growing Dhamma and spread it as much as we could. Thank you so much ChrisW.
    – Swapnil
    Commented Sep 22, 2018 at 15:21
  • The mundane right view is the belief of Karma. It has nothing to do with believing in an eternal soul. Also your answer neglects "Sama Saddha"- compatible faith Commented Sep 23, 2018 at 3:16
  • @SankhaKulathantille The mundane right view is the belief of Karma. It has nothing to do with believing in an eternal soul. Are you saying that it isn't like, "If I am good now, then I will go to heaven later?"
    – ChrisW
    Commented Sep 23, 2018 at 7:44
  • Also your answer neglects "Sama Saddha"- compatible faith Perhaps you're right. Samasaddha is mentioned in AN 4.55, which also mentions equal rites (samasīlabbatā) as well as equal kindness/generosity, equal virtue, and equal wisdom.
    – ChrisW
    Commented Sep 23, 2018 at 7:49
  • @ChrisW believing in a eternal soul is ignorance. It's not mundane right view. Mundane right view is "There is what is given, what is offered, what is sacrificed. There are fruits & results of good & bad actions. There is this world & the next world. There is mother & father. There are spontaneously reborn beings; there are contemplatives & brahmans who, faring rightly & practicing rightly, proclaim this world & the next after having directly known & realized it for themselves.’ Commented Sep 23, 2018 at 8:19

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .