I can grasp the truth of the false self. That what I think of "me" in my mind doesn't exist . But I'm scared of giving it up after 45 years of it. Im like the guy in the matrix. Nero?
An awakened mind no longer has any desires, ambitions, fear, anger and so on.
I do understand the fear. It is quite normal and natural. And functional in the sense that the mind won't let go. So long as you fear you are attached to what you are used to. Basically there is no need to worry. You won't suddenly wake up, not knowing how to react or something like that. The mind only lets go when it's ready, and that means that there will be no fear.
Practice is, in my humble opinion, key. Intellectualising and thinking and reasoning can get you only this far. Only by experiencing will fear subside, because your mind get's used to new experiences. It will familiarise itself with the yet unknown. And understanding and wisdom will grow... and so on.. and so on.
It is important to realize that there was no self to begin with. Knowing this, you can see that there is nothing to fear losing. In fact, awakening has nothing to do with gaining any sort of attainment; but it is simply the loss of incorrect perception.
Intellectually perceiving concept of Self is not how entirely you should realise the notion. Yes, you need it in order to understand why you practise but its only one side of the coin.
Prefer experience over reasoning, the insight and wisdom will naturally arise after some practise.
Don't try to push it though it might only create internal conflict and doubt. It might become hinderance. You need to have constant recollection of these ideas, but don't try to religiously employ them like doctrine.
Do good, refrain from evil, understand that we are all interconnected.
What you are extinguishing when you lose Self is great deal of suffering that you inflict to yourself on daily bases. Where you are aiming is total freedom, peace, joy and liberation.
It's always worth it no matter if its 15 or 45 years of age!