You might know this already but here's some advice.
It's appropriate to apologise (people do apologise, in the Suttas; and apology or confession is prescribed in the Vinaya). I think that elements of an apology include:
- Saying, "I understand that action was wrong"
- Saying, "Understanding it (and having understood it) as wrong, I will not do it again"
- And then, in fact, not doing it again
I think that part of the reason for an apology is that, without it, the victim of your offence might live in fear that you'll do it (hurt them) again.
You said "I have offered an apology", but it's not clear how clear (nor how public) your apology was, nor whether it was "accepted" and if not why not.
Anyway, maybe if it's not accepted that's out of your hands? You said "I have since realized the error of trying to control anybody" -- and maybe this is an example, i.e. you can't force people to accept the apology.
The "second noble truth" associates suffering with craving -- craving is wanting things to be other than they are -- perhaps part of your suffering is your wanting your colleagues' action to be other than they are.
There's a saying that "people are heir to their own kamma". If colleagues are unhappy maybe that's a result of your actions, not their fault, i.e. you shouldn't blame them for being unhappy. Blaming them will only perpetuate your own suffering.
Some people talk of "body, speech, and mind". The body permits experience (e.g. of pain and pleasure); and speech help people understand what you say, and what you say might be kind or unkind. Your mind is important because it determines what you say (and what you experience).
If you're successfully avoiding alcohol now, well done. Drinking is against the fifth precept.
In the West some people are alcoholic addicts, which is difficult to resolve. One of the (non-Buddhist) methods or programs that people try is a "twelve step program". If you are or were alcoholic you might find this description of its Process informative, and perhaps steps 8, 9, and 10 of the 12 steps.
I don't know, some people (non-Buddhists) find a 12-step program more helpful than nothing and continuing with addiction as before; but it is non-Buddhist.
Instead you might want to explore some Buddhist resources such as http://5th-precept.org/
You might want to learn to practice the Brahmaviharas:
These four attitudes are said to be excellent or sublime because they are the right or ideal way of conduct towards living beings (sattesu samma patipatti). They provide, in fact, the answer to all situations arising from social contact.
The Brahma-viharas are incompatible with a hating state of mind
There's a bit of discussion in comments under Sankha's answer, continued in this chat room.
If I can try to summarise:
- There are different states of mind (including emotions, views, perceptions); which may be categorised as wholesome or skilful (they lead towards non-suffering), or as unwholesome or unskillful (their result is suffering).
- Craving (e.g. "I wish things were other than they are") is unwholesome.
- Desire (e.g. "I want to follow the wholesome Buddhist path) can be wholesome.
- Aversion (e.g. "I don't like this") is form of craving and unwholesome.
- Skilful variants of aversion are called something other than "aversion": e.g. not wanting to hurt people is called "compassion" (not called "aversion to hurting people"), and knowing the difference between wholesome and unwholesome might be called "wisdom" (not called "aversion to the unwholesome"). Maybe "aversion" is always associated with an unwholesome state of mind.
- A sense of "shame" (i.e. Hiri) might be defined as wholesome (see also those alternative translations: "self-respect, conscientiousness, moral self-dignity, dignity"). Conversely a lack of shame (being "shameless") might make a person untrainable (immoral or amoral).
- A sense of "guilt" (i.e. Kukkucca) might be defined as unwholesome (also translated "regret, worry, remorse"). That might seem odd, or a subtle difference, because I guess that "shame" and "guilt" imply something similar in English, but there's an important distinction in the Pali.
I think that the difference between Hiri and Kukkucca is that Hiri results in virtuous behaviour and non-suffering, and Kukkucca is associated with non-virtuous behaviour and suffering.
A result of skilful/virtuous behaviour is meant to be "absence of remorse": which results in joy and so on ... i.e. it's the absence of remorse that's wholesome and is a foundation for peace of mind.
I suppose an example might be:
- I used to have a bad habit
- I later eventually understood the error (and associated suffering), and eradicated the habit
- Now I don't (and shouldn't) feel remorse (about a bad habit which is in the past and no longer exists), instead feel a lack of remorse as a result of having stopped the habit (conditioned by the non-existence or eradication of the habit).
I think (I can't find a reference) that even a desire for fame or for people to hold you in high esteem, caring about reputation, might be a form of greed of craving (and "conceit") and unwholesome.
If you're looking for suggestions about how to communicate, you might get (non-Buddhist) answers if you post on InterpersonalSkills.SE or Workplace.SE.
I guess the Buddhist answer (even about how to communicate) is to be clear about your mind state. I recommend the first few verses of the Dhammapada, for example:
- Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.
- Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
- "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
- "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.
- Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.