Obviously, I was wrong, death according to Buddhism is just one step in the cycle, I mean for those of us trading the circle of Samsara.
The above is merely an interpretation of Buddhism. 'Samsara' does not necessarily mean cycling in past & futures lives, as described in SN 22.99, which says:
Just as a dog, tied by a leash to a post or stake, keeps running around and circling around that very post or stake; in the same way,
an uninstructed, run-of-the-mill person — who has no regard for noble
ones, is not well-versed or disciplined in their Dhamma; who has no
regard for people of integrity, is not well-versed or disciplined in
their Dhamma — assumes form to be the self, or the self as possessing
form, or form as in the self, or the self as in form.
He assumes feeling to be the self...
He assumes perception to be the self...
He assumes (mental) fabrications to be the self...
He assumes consciousness to be the self, or the self as possessing consciousness, or consciousness as in the self, or the self as in consciousness.
He keeps running around and circling around that very form... that very feeling... that very perception... those very fabrications...
that very consciousness. He is not set loose from form, not set loose
from feeling... from perception... from fabrications... not set loose
from consciousness. He is not set loose from birth, aging, & death;
from sorrows, lamentations, pains, distresses, & despairs. He is not
set loose, I tell you, from suffering & stress.
Now, I'm convinced and I have faith in the teaching of the Buddha, but I sometimes fear that I'm too old to abandon the world and become
a monk. I'm in my mid thirty have I missed the boat?
Mid-thirty is not old. The Buddha attained enlightenment at 35 years old & some of his new disciples who became enlightened were older than him.
I have vowed to follow all precepts stated for the lay followed
This is not something special. People of another religions follow similar precepts & vows.
however, I don't want to feel comfortable in the worldly life and I want to maintain my zeal to become a monk
The ideal step to discovering if the life of a monk is suitable for you is to live a in meditation monastery as a meditating layman for about 12 months.
if not now may be in the next life.
Ideas about the 'next life' is for the purpose of making laypeople moral. If you wish to overcome suffering & attain enlightenment, Buddhism teaches the mind must realise the impermanence (anicca), unsatisfactoriness (dukkha) & not-self (anatta) of life. In summary, higher Buddhism is about giving up ideas life is "I", "me", "mine" & "self". This starts with reaslising life is impermanent.
While this discourse was being spoken, there arose in the
Venerable Kondañña the dust-free, stainless vision of the Dhamma:
“Whatever is subject to arising is all subject to cessation".
1st sermon of the Buddha
Now, what is impermanent, is that unsatisfactory or satisfactory?
Unsatisfactory, O Lord.
Now, what is impermanent, unsatisfactory, subject to change, is it
proper to regard it as: 'This is mine, this I am, this is my self'?
Indeed, not that, O Lord.
2nd sermon of the Buddha