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My significant other is an extremely busy person who constantly lives life on the road and rarely has moments to himself. He's an incredibly stressed out person and because of this I've recommended meditation to him. I've given him a pair of mala beads and well wishes but I'm not sure how else I can help him.

What are some tips that I can offer him? It pains me to see him so stressed so often and I would like to help him relax and reflect.

Thanks so much in advance!

  • Hello and welcome to Buddhism SE. We also have a Guide and a Resource tab for new users that you might like. Enjoy your time here. – Lanka Sep 15 '17 at 1:28
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This is based on nothing more than my own experience so please take it in that light.

I'm fairly busy at times as well. When I am super busy I find it very difficult to do any 'formal' meditation. It makes me more stressed sometimes to have to do 'another thing'. One thing I find useful is posture. There are no meditation police (i think) telling you that you must sit for meditation. Why not try lying down and doing nothing, perhaps watching the mind and paying attention to the desire to do something else; the desire to check your phone, write an email, get up and so forth. It's all there going on and worth a look.

I sometimes find it useful to set a timer for a small amount of time (10 mins say) and just do that. I don't find it stressful and it does alleviate the whir of the mind. If nothing else your partner gets to lie down for 10 mins. If your partner really struggles for time this can always be done last thing at night. Everyone has to go to bed at some point so there is a little time there maybe.

As I say, this is just what I have found useful when struggling. A teacher once said to me that meditating lying down wasn't cheating so it's kind of based around that idea. Anyway best of luck to you and your partner.

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Short sessions work for me when I'm stressed. But I also try not to stress out on the fact that I have only a little time some days--10-15 minutes. I don't think time is a crucial factor anyway. It's the quality of your meditation experience that counts. Also, I have found that some of my most insightful sessions have come when I'm most stressed or least inclined to practice. Shamatha is a good antidote for a mind on the jump. I have been practicing it for almost a year now and have been able to see some real progress. As to the posture police, they should remember that the Buddha cited four acceptable postures: sitting, standing, walking or lying down. In other words--anything! Keep at it and good luck!

  • Very good answer. The distinction between duration and quality is crucial to understand (experientially). – Lanka Sep 20 '17 at 10:59
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It pains me to see him so stressed so often >

First of all, you should learn to relax. I suggest that you practice some breath meditation. Then teach that to your significant other.

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"It pains me to see him so stressed so often and I would like to help him relax and reflect."

The most important question is not how you can help him, but: does he want your help?

I understand he needs help, but does HE want your help?

I understand he's incredibly stresses, but does HE want to do something about it?

You and your significant other are both adults and smart people. If he really needs your help, you two will definitely sort it out and find a solution.

If you two can't find a solution and you need to come here ask for suggestions how to help him, then: 1. either he doesn't need your help or 2. there is some other issue not related to your question that you, or him, or both need to sort out

If it's 2, I suggest to find a wise teacher/therapist who will help solve these other issues.

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Mindfulness meditation can help a person deal with stress. This is due to the fact that, by being objective, it facilitates the engagement of psychological "safeguards," unconscious mental processes that make sure you are thinking or doing the best thing, given the circumstances. This is how mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) medical programs work. In general, more advanced states of mindfulness meditation are required to gain insight into more unconscious and flawed forms of motivation (karma). If you want to know more about the practice, please read my book, How Mindfulness Meditation Works.

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