miscarriage and abortion

Question

3 years back i had to face with an relationships Problem with my ex boy friend and at that time i was pregnant. I had to abort my child at that time as a result of those problems.

Now i am married for 10 months and got pregnant 5 Months back. i was okay till to the 11th August and i was 25th week of my pregnancy then i got to know that my child's Heartbeat has stopped and he is no more live. This was unexpected and we cannot bear this pain. I had that fear whether that bad karma of previous abortion will be affect to this time.But according to the doctor everything was okay until baby's 25th week. We are suffering lot with this and have a fear that i will have to face the same situation in the future as well.

I love kids so much. But once i had to done such a horrible thing due to the horrible situation with my ex.

Please advice me how can i prevent from this bad karma and what should i do to survive from this.

Answer 1

3 years back i had to face with an relationships Problem with my ex boy friend and at that time i was pregnant. I had to abort my child at that time as a result of those problems.

If necessary, please practise loving-kindness meditation to forgive yourself for this.

The ideal conditions for bringing a child into the world is a strong relationship & family support, including financially. There are many challenges in the modern world that put pressure on women to have abortions. Please grow in understanding & forgiveness.

Now i am married for 10 months and got pregnant 5 Months back. i was okay till to the 11th August and i was 25th week of my pregnancy then i got to know that my child's Heartbeat has stopped and he is no more live. This was unexpected and we cannot bear this pain.

I am very sorry to hear this. I do not wish to ignore your personal pain & sorrow however I wish to say such pregnancy problems are common due to the fragile nature of the physical body. In the ancient Buddhist scriptures, we can read how many women & children perished during child birth. Fortunately, having children today is infinitely safer than in ancient times however loss of child still occurs today due to the nature of the physical body, which is fragile & can be abnormal.

I had that fear whether that bad karma of previous abortion will be affect to this time. But according to the doctor everything was okay until baby's 25th week. We are suffering lot with this and have a fear that i will have to face the same situation in the future as well.

It is normal for a person to have the fears you have. It is normal to ask yourself: "Why did this happen?" & turn to religion for answers. However, I think it is the most wise & realistic action is to take the doctor's advice. I recommend to look to the modern medical profession for answers or assurances (rather than religion).

This said, about karma, the Buddha taught: "Kamma is intention". Since you did not have the intention to miscarry your baby, the miscarriage is not related to karma. An abortion is kamma but miscarriage is not kamma (unless there is direct action that leads to miscarriage, such as taking drugs, heavily drinking alcohol, playing violent sports or other carelessness).

I love kids so much. But once i had to done such a horrible thing due to the horrible situation with my ex.

The Buddha taught in the scriptures if we see clearly we made a mistake in life, this is a positive step in our growth as a spiritual person. The Buddha had 100% understanding & forgiveness. It is good you have remorse because, as you know for yourself, abortion can make a woman unhappy. You must reflect (think) thoroughly about those good intentions for having the abortion & forgive yourself, with the understanding you have learned a lesson and you are now much more careful, wise, compassionate & loving in the future. Often in life, our real love for people & life grows from the mistakes & hurt we previously did. The Buddha taught it is from suffering the real spiritual path & development begins.

Please advice me how can i prevent from this bad karma and what should i do to survive from this.

My advice is:

1. Attend grief counselling for your loss. This is very important.

2. Let go of the idea your abortion caused your baby's heart to stop beating. Generally, the reasons for such miscarriages are related to the body of the child. This webpage has explanations: Why Does The Fetal Heartbeat Stop?.

3. Realise miscarriage is common in women who have not had abortions.

4. Realise women who have had abortions & miscarriages have later successfully had children.

5. Respect yourself for the genuine remorse, love & future commitment you have towards children.

6. Wisely reflect the Buddha taught our sorrow is a measure of our love; the physical body is fragile; patient endurance overcomes sorrow & suffering; peace comes with goodness, compassion, wisdom & love.

Answer 2

We all do things that are bad until we don't. You want kids but your worried about your previous karma effecting your current life.

If your worried about it then here's what might work:

Do selfless work for other babies and parents. This might help. Helping other people helps you. Practice Metta and compassion for all including yourself. There is also forgiveness meditation:

Answer 3

thinu, Do not spend much time worrying about karma in this life. You haven't committed 5 heinous crimes in Buddhism so there is not that bad. To put things in perspective, in this long samsasa , Buddha said lives of what we were thieve got caught and were executed. If put all blood together it would amass to more than water in the ocean. So you cant be worrying about karma in the past.
To prevent Bad Karma, Buddha said those who have these 5 qualities will only go up in a fortunate path only

• Saddha,have confidence in Buddha
• Sila,5 precepts
• sutta, study his teaching, remember them.
• Caga, donation/charity
• punna, wisdom. Buddha divided wisdom into two major categories; tranquality (cetovimutti), and seeing the truth of raising and falling (panna vimutti) .

Tho Buddha didnt say explicity, above 5 qualities seem to me a stream enterer already.

Answer 4

First, let me extend my sympathies. To go through either of those two life events is traumatic. To have gone through both is almost unspeakably painful. I can only imagine what it must feel like for you.

Ultimately, only a Buddha can tell how the events of our past influence our present circumstances. That being said, it's important to understand that karma is not a universal justice system. It does not dole out punishment and reward based on our actions. Instead, karma simply predisposes you to similar future actions and conditions. It is these future actions and associations that often bring negative or positive consequences. For instance, the first time we steal, it might have been a moral struggle. Subsequent theft becomes easier. Eventually we might not even question the ethics of the act; our thievery might even become habituated. As we continue to steal, we might find ourselves hanging around negative people. Maybe we get bitten by a guard dog. Ultimately, we might find ourselves imprisoned. The initial action did not give rise to our ultimate end - that action only put us on a negative trajectory. That trajectory could have been disrupted by right action, but our increasingly negative circumstances incrementally make those moral choices more difficult to make.

You are just setting yourself up for more misery by speculating how your past actions might have given rise to your miscarriage. I'd go so far as to say that you blaming yourself for your miscarriage is the fruit of your abortion, not the miscarriage itself. But such guilt is only going to bring suffering to you and those you love. Right now, that self blame is the karma you need to be working through. If I had to offer any advice, I would recommend seeing a therapist to help you work through some of those negative emotions. I would also suggest volunteering with children. If you truly love them, doing work that fosters that love will put you in a much better place.

Answer 5

I will not comment on whether your past actions were bad or not.

But if you are concerned about your past actions, please see this advice from the Lonaphala Sutta:

"Suppose that a man were to drop a salt crystal into a small amount of water in a cup. What do you think? Would the water in the cup become salty because of the salt crystal, and unfit to drink?"

"Yes, lord. Why is that? There being only a small amount of water in the cup, it would become salty because of the salt crystal, and unfit to drink."

"Now suppose that a man were to drop a salt crystal into the River Ganges. What do you think? Would the water in the River Ganges become salty because of the salt crystal, and unfit to drink?"

"No, lord. Why is that? There being a great mass of water in the River Ganges, it would not become salty because of the salt crystal or unfit to drink."

"In the same way, there is the case where a trifling evil deed done by one individual [the first] takes him to hell; and there is the case where the very same sort of trifling deed done by the other individual is experienced in the here & now, and for the most part barely appears for a moment.

'Now, a trifling evil act done by what sort of individual takes him to hell? There is the case where a certain individual is undeveloped in the body, undeveloped in virtue, undeveloped in mind [i.e., painful feelings can invade the mind and stay there], undeveloped in discernment: restricted, small-hearted, dwelling with suffering. A trifling evil act done by this sort of individual takes him to hell.

'Now, a trifling evil act done by what sort of individual is experienced in the here & now, and for the most part barely appears for a moment? There is the case where a certain individual is developed in the body, developed in virtue, developed in mind [i.e., painful feelings cannot invade the mind and stay there], developed in discernment: unrestricted, large-hearted, dwelling with the immeasurable. A trifling evil act done by this sort of individual is experienced in the here & now, and for the most part barely appears for a moment.

Answer 6

A few things Thinu:

1. We do not know when consciousness attaches to a vessel. Before that time any damage done would be like kicking the tire of a car. You might be damaging a vessel but there is no effect on a rider.
2. Since we do not know we merely ASSUME it is at conception. This is because making such an assumption errs on the side of safety for the infant - but fails to consider the effects of such an assumption on you. Such was the patriarchal approach to many thoughts in the past as women were relegated to secondary status ... which we now see as wrong.
3. Much of the bad karma you discuss is the effect that such an action has upon yourself and those around you. If it has made you sorrowful and sad then that is the suffering you bring and cause upon others.
4. EVEN IF attachment had occurred you are speaking of a unique situation where such an individual had yet to effect karma and, thus, would be easily able to drift back to the ether (as neutral) or encounter it's rebirth elsewhere with no added causation to overcome. Depending on which side you believe. So as heartless as it may sound this is the one time in our physical existence when such a death would have nary any karmic effect and actual suffering - except to you and your family.

Thus, you must work out problems with your own guilt and despair first. Then you will be able to do the same for your family and loved ones and friends. Bring them happiness and comfort as you will instead of sadness. And do the same with other infants and children you encounter. This will overcome any bad karma you may have created as well as helping you avoid such bad relationships and attachments in the future that caused you and yours such pain. namaste. damyata datta dayadhvam.

Answer 7

Abortion is very bad Karma which will bring suffering to you. But it's hard to say if the miscarriage is a result of that bad Karma.

There are things you can do to come out of this situation.

1. Mentally apologize to the being you killed, apologize to the Triple Gem and promise never to do it again.
2. Take refuge in the Triple Gem and take the Five precepts
3. Do good deeds like freeing animals in slaughter houses, giving alms to monks, offering flowers to the Buddha etc. and wishing for a healthy baby in the future.
4. Try to see impermanence, suffering and non-self nature of the thoughts of regret and sadness. In other words do Satipattana meditation as a daily practice.

Answer 8

Although it is possible, I doubt you are experiencing bad karma in this life from actions taken in this life. Bad karma can be purified. The fact that you already have remorse is part of the purification. You may want to consult with someone who is more familiar with purification practices than I. And do not fear having another child. Any child you have will be very fortunate.

Answer 9

(note: when I say "most" and "some" or "many" in this post I am referring to statistics that are gathered in countries where abortions are legal, and safe. It is not an assumption I am making and I am not projecting personal beliefs)

with great respect... there are several assumption by those who look at abortion as causing pain or death with intention to (or disregard for) causing pain.

In most cases, when a woman chooses to terminate a pregnancy she is doing it out of love either for the child she carries, or her other children. Most often a woman knows she cannot keep the unborn child safe and give him or her a good life. Sometimes she has other children, or hopes one day to have a safe environment in which to have her children, but having this child puts all of them at risk.

there is also an assumption that she walks away from that choice unchanged and unbothered. In truth she will make and re-make that decision every day for the rest of her life.

The child does not suffer, it knew only the perfect life in the womb. But the mother suffers every day the pain of not having the child to love. There is loss but not comfort from that loss. There is no end to the mourning because the woman sees herself as the agent of the child's death, and never as the grieving mother to be comforted.

most abortions are had by women who already have children and cannot feed one more without taking food from those she has. most women if they could find a way to feed and care for all of them would be willing to take food from her own mouth if she could keep this one too.

In this case, I see a woman who made a very brave choice to not bring a child into an unsafe environment. The child will be born into a different life, and did not suffer in this one. This child lived a perfect safe life in a blissful place. The second child also did not suffer, they both lived lovely experiences of floating warm and safe, never knowing hunger or pain.

You were trusted to bring a perfect experience of being carried in great love to two small beings who only had a tiny spark of life to live. You lovingly nurtured these children for every moment they had, and now they have returned. Perhaps they will be born at another time, perhaps this is all the consciousness they required. We are not made to understand all things, but we are here to understand love and how to protect a child. In both cases you did that.

You will be a wonderful mother. You sacrificed your own piece of mind to protect the first child from a dangerous life where he or she would not have been safe.

You did not hurt either child, you are the only being who suffered. But now you need to put away the pain and think only of the love. Your next child, whether it is born of your body or it arrives in your life from another womb, will need all of your love and attention. You cannot be consumed by the pain of the grief, it distracts you from bringing love.

whenever you feel the grief rising, think instead of the love you have for all of the children in the world.