I find this troubling. My poor relationship with my adult children causes me distress. Logic and the dharma would suggest that severing ties with them would be a positive for both sides. But I cannot get over the feelings for neglect and guilt. Plus I may be causing them some current discomfort. They neglect me because they don't understand me seeking the jewel so I try to respect that BUT how do I get past this guilt and sadness?

  • Hi. Are you saying your practise of Buddhism is causing your children to be alienated from you? – Dhammadhatu Jul 29 '17 at 3:46
  • yes. That is the situation. – Kauvasara Jul 29 '17 at 5:39
  • Maybe there isn't, and maybe there even can't be, enough information in this question for people to understand and advise on the situation you're describing. Maybe it's a topic to discuss in person, perhaps with a teacher, or with a counsellor (Buddhist or otherwise) who might mediate between you and your children (if your children could accept such mediation, for the sake of improving or continuing their relationship with you). – ChrisW Aug 10 '17 at 13:59
  • I am not sure whether I understood your question properly, however, from my personal experience, it's best to make no public announcments that you are a Buddhist. Peopld are often confused about Buddhism and associate many different things. Similarly, a lot of people are just not interested in spirituality and/or don't know it any better. Don't talk about your 'philosophy'. Embody it. Don't even talk about Buddhist doctrines because intellectually they might comprehend, but constant reflection & direct experience is missing. Regards – Val Mar 11 '19 at 12:33

Buddha-Dhamma & Western families are often a problematic combination. Even in Asia, some families object to their members pursing the Dhamma. Even when a person's life is transformed so much for the better by Buddhist practise, often family members struggle to attribute appreciation towards Buddhism due to their own prejudices, misunderstandings &/or lack of spiritual values.

Ways to overcome sadness & guilt in respect to his situation is:

  1. Reflect on the correctness of the Buddhist path.

  2. Properly attribute causes or 'blame' to the other rather than to yourself.

  3. Keep being nice & hopefully they will change via appreciation.


There are two nice stories, Nyom Kauva Aatma, The Healing of the Bull: A Story and Prisoners of Karma

  • When adding links to answers, please make a short content-description in case the link goes missing. – user2424 Mar 12 '19 at 12:42
  • They're not easy to summarise -- they're a summary of basic Buddhist doctrine, gradually explained in the form of a dialog between animals, e.g. one unhappy talking with another who's more enlightened (or knowledgeable). Anyway the titles are included there in the hyperlinks -- and they're both by "Suvimalee Karunaratna" if you want to Google them (e.g. if the above links go missing). – ChrisW Mar 12 '19 at 13:14

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