Pardon my English .I was lucky enough to meet this man . This man is living Buddha . He is not a monk. Lives simple life. He is such a mystery. I'm in love with enlightened man.

It's not recent ... it's been years and years... He never claimed that but it's absolutely obvious to me. He is extremely handsome intelligent and more , so much more. I can feel when he enters the room, there is so much heat or fire. He is shining and he makes everyone around him smile. He has big beautiful eyes they are so sharp it's like he can see through appearances . He is absolutely perfect. I think about him day and night all the time I cannot forget him. It's my attachment to pleasure or is this real love??? When i think of him i just melt. On the other hand i know he is not interested in me as a woman and will never be. And it drives me nuts. I feel stupid. What to do?

I was planning to tell him that, but am so scared that i'll feel stupid. I suppose it's obvious on my face anyway. But it's been so long and the feeling gets stronger. I should move on i know it, but he is such a perfection... I have no word to describe this man . Just ''ahh''. How to let go?? or should i keep?

  • Just speak with him, you nothing to lose because you had nothing from him to begin with. You own it to yourself to find out. Approach him! Rejection is better than regret!
    – user4878
    Jul 23, 2017 at 20:53
  • It;s funny , that when i finally felt '' i 'll tell him that'', he dissapeared. But You are rigt. I should talk to him.
    – judith
    Jul 24, 2017 at 5:53
  • can enlightened people be romantically loved by others? i'm not saying i read anything claiming they can't, but did e.g. the buddha have people trying to seduce him?
    – user2512
    Jul 30, 2017 at 22:49
  • @sorta_buddhist Famously, Mara's daughters. See also the Bhikkhuni sutta and so on, though Ananda wasn't an Arhat at that time.
    – ChrisW
    Jul 18, 2020 at 10:09
  • same to you lol @ChrisW
    – user2512
    Jul 18, 2020 at 11:29

7 Answers 7


If he is really enlightened, he will not be interested in you (romantically). If he is interested in you (romantically), he is not enlightened. The Pali suttas state:

It is impossible for... whose mental fermentations are ended to engage in sexual intercourse.

Sutava Sutta

However, he could show friendship (metta) towards you. True spiritual friends (kalyanamitta) are difficult to find in the world.

  • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
    – ChrisW
    Jul 24, 2017 at 17:42

Dukha - not getting we want, getting what we don't want, getting what we want then losing it.

The fact is you don't really know this man is enlightened and it doesn't even really matter whether he is or not. Sounds to me more like he exudes confidence and charisma which is always attractive. Confident people attract people like flies to shit.

You have two choices - 1)forget it and get on with your life. 2)try to hook up with him. Number two obviously involves some risk, risk of rejection, risk of falling in love then being heart broken etc but you never know unless you try.


I think that real love is more like unity, like being the same.

Attachment is more like artificial excitement, desire.

In that sense, love and attachment are different things. Love is like calm warm extending, open and limitless. In that, you discover limitless unity with all beings, all universe. That is immersing deeper in true reality.

Attachment is stimulating your feelings, which is like taking stimulants - it will pass, bringing hangover.

Love does not create problems, attachment does. Love makes wiser, attachment makes vexed and blind.

If a person you love is indeed excellent in wisdom and compassion, ask his advice just like you wrote here. It might be not necessary to say that you ask his advice for yourself. Just ask what would he think and advise people in such situations.

  • 1
    I agree with you, real love doesn't have a name. However I live in duality created by my mind, that sees things as separate. I can see how much attached i am to this ''projection'' of him. Thank to you guys, i really feel I should tell him that
    – judith
    Jul 24, 2017 at 6:48

There's no "living Buddha". The Buddha existed more than 2500 years ago. Looks like you are overcome by lust/passion. Usually Patikulamanasikara meditation is recommended to such individuals

  • To me Buddha is not an individual, but a state of mind. I believe there are many people , especially in monasteries, that are in that state of mind. I'd call them Buddhas or enlightened beings. Thank you for recomendation, i ve never heard about this kind of meditation.
    – judith
    Jul 24, 2017 at 6:43
  • @judith If you are referring to the state of mind of an enlightened being, you should use the word 'Arahant'. You cannot use the word 'Buddha' as it means much more than just enlightenment. The last Buddha was the Gautama Buddha and the next Buddha will be the Maitreya Buddha. Jul 24, 2017 at 13:09
  • does it really matter?
    – judith
    Jul 24, 2017 at 14:50
  • @judith using proper terms matters Jul 24, 2017 at 15:40
  • First of all it's just concepts. Second The term Buddha means “Awakened”. So I'm using it correctly in my understanding.
    – judith
    Jul 24, 2017 at 16:34

This is quite normal.Be aware of your feelings and use your commonsense. There is a story where a woman (female monk) had fallen love with Ven Ananda and a beautiful woman was proposed to Buddha. Here is another story.


Just as they were leaving the city the Venerable Maha Kaccana was standing at the city gate, putting on his outer robe before entering to walk on alms round. When the youth Soreyya beheld the golden-hued body of the elder, he thought to himself: "Oh, that this elder might become my wife! Or may the hue of my wife's body become like the hue of his body!"

At the very moment this thought passed through his mind, Soreyya was instantly transformed from a man into a woman. Startled by this inexplicable change of sex, he jumped out of the carriage and fled before the others could notice what had occurred. Gradually he made his way to the city of Takkasila. His companions searched for him in vain and reported his strange disappearance to his parents. When all attempts to trace him proved futile, his parents concluded that he had died and they had the funeral rites performed.



Try to sit and close your eyes and imagine these: What if he only has 1 eye What if he doesn't have any nose What if he's deaf Cut every part of his body and organs and try to look into it.

And ask to yourself whether if you still like him if he doesn't have any of those beautiful part.

Hopefully this works for you.

  • he has a big heart.I guess i would still enjoy his presence. He has such a good sense of humour , i like listening to him. I gues i would like him as a friend.I have to say we are not close, I see him ocassionally, and the rest of the time just fantasise about him. Feel a bit miserable. but it will pass.
    – judith
    Jul 30, 2017 at 17:45
  • and sorry for my english
    – judith
    Jul 30, 2017 at 17:45
  • Do you realize that there's too much "I" in you. Becareful, mental proliferation will lead you to suffering.
    – LomX
    Aug 1, 2017 at 7:09

This is the daftest question I have ever read. Yes, zen masters occasionally have wives; there were great Korean / Japanese debates about whether this sacrifice of 'celibacy' was a distortion of the meaning of Buddhism. Trust me, an actual Buddha isn't interested in having sex with you, they have other things on their mind -- tantra aside. Are you in love with someone and they not you?

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