How do Buddhists express condolences?

Question

Since converting to Buddhism, I've been unsure how to express condolences when people pass away. Everything familiar that I might say comes from a Christian perspective such as "being in a better place" or "with the Lord now".

Simply letting the family know that I'm thinking of them works. But I'm wondering what is typical or traditional in Buddhist countries (or among experienced Buddhists in the west) where teachings of impermanence and rebirth may change the mindset regarding death. What is the typical way to express condolences among Buddhists?

Answer 1

Here in Sri Lanka, we typically say "Anicca Vata Sankhara" or "Vaya-dhamma Sankhara" in the bereavement notices. When you meet the family members, you put your hands together and greet without smiling. You are not expected to say anything unless you are giving an eulogy. When you talk to people, you are expected to talk quietly and not to gossip. You can either inquire about funeral arrangements or engage in a Dhamma discussion.

I suppose in the West, it's customary to say something. So you can probably say "May he/she attain Nibbana soon!"

Answer 2

Most buddhists knows the process of death and that understanding would be preceeded by their feelings of loss, so most do not mourn the way other cultures might. Most buddhist would wear white clothing during this time to show mourning. Just let them know you're there for them if you should need you.

This article from BuddhaNet deals directly with this, discussing funeral arrangements, ceremonies and rituals.

Answer 3

Buddhist philosophy teaches you to act with sincerity and not to speak for the sake of speaking. Given that, I don't think you need any particular line for expressing condolence. A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" or letting them know you are available to talk/listen should suffice as long as you mean it.

Remember that there is nothing you can say to end their grief. Your condolence/compassion is (ideally) expressed through your behaviour and intent to act for their long term good.

Answer 4

With true understanding and sincerity we cannot be sorry for their loss, as they have not lost anything. They never 'had' anyone to lose to begin with, yet we know we have always and always will have each other as we are never truly separate - of course a funeral is not an appropriate time for explaining such concepts.

For me, the only appropriate speech from my Buddhist perspective, would not to be sorry in the conventional sense, i see that as pity with false emotion, indeed it is better to say nothing. We should focus more on remembering the great times spent and celebrating the life that touched everyone there. We can do no more honor than to pass on the love and compassion the deceased gave us in their lifetime.

Speak truthfully and with correct understanding, you'll know what to say.

Answer 5

My Muslim friend's family just had a member die. On much reflection on what to say I re-edited my christian upbringing so it was true to my buddhist beliefs but not condescending to hers. "Our thoughts are with you and your family at your time of loss and reflection. Please pass on our love". The person has died but the living can know they are loved and we love everyone, don't we :)

Answer 6

As a Buddhist raised in a Christian culture, I know that using words such as nibbana, nirvana, enlightenment, would not be understood by most. As condolences are for the living, then best to speak from the heart: "May your sadness soon be replaced with only happy memories."

Answer 7

May he be dwelling at a higher abode. In Myanmar language, ျမင့္ျမတ္ေသာ ဘုံမွာ စံစားႏိုင္ပါေစ။