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After a 'bad trip' a big hindrance of mine is doubt and the idea that all is just a dream that we have no control over. This brings up terrifying ideas, concepts and images for me. That this may all just be nonsense, even buddhism. I'm aware these are concepts and mental activities, but the panic that they bring on can really deter me and interfere with my practice.

I fear that the Dhamma may just be a temporary fabrication of this reality that I'm in etc. The fact that I suffer and endure loneliness allows my mind to go astray. I'm not a member of any sangha and I dont get any support to continue to practice. I've suffered with misery most my life and this fact brings up many fatalistic fears. I'm wondering how I can try to start overcoming this and progress in the practice.

Thanks

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Meditation is the key to beginning to understand your mind. The thoughts, images, indeed all mental activities are not "you". Meditation (in just about every system, religious and not) is about discovering the truth about your self. (The word "self" has many completely different meanings depending on the context of the word so don't get too hung up on the word.)

I suffer from depression. It is my experience that depressive episodes come and go. And I remain. Fear comes and goes. And I remind. So, meditation on who I am (and am not) is more helpful than meditation (or attention) on that which comes and goes. As you practice meditation, the mental noise will decrease. (Thankfully.) At worst, you give your mind some rest. Try it. It works. One day at a time. Good luck!

  • Thanks for the response. For me I'm suffering the headtrip of nonself. This compounded with existential ideas that bring on panic. When I meditate, I find myself going off on these headtrips and trying to bring my attention back can get very difficult. I feel varying levels of fear that come with letting go, in some sense its akin to death. With meditation there should come peace, but I am confronting the nature of my own mind which is marred by doubt and fear bringing worry. I feel sad and afraid of what my mind brings up for me to confront. – Buddhah Jul 16 '14 at 17:52
  • Hi @Buddhah. Are you able to connect with a qualified meditation teacher in your area? While the Buddhism SE community is well meaning, moving beyond such obstacles as you've described might be best done under the guidance of an experienced teacher. Best wishes in your progress. – Robin111 Jul 16 '14 at 18:18

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