Sir, when I talk to my wife over phone (maintaining equanimity) she suddenly recognize that either i am not in a mood to talk, and its obvious becuase even I know that its impossible to remain equanimous and get involved in the conversation whole heartedly, I am not sure I am making myself clear.

My question is lets say I often make jokes on phone and laugh a lot when I talk to my friend, but I find these things stupid while trying to maintain Equanimity.

Kindly explain is it possible to do both the things?

2 Answers 2


It is your perception which recognises and classifies it as funny or not. Tired with it arises the sensation which is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. You have to be equanimous towards it.

Also if the chattering is senseless chattering this is not right speech also. Why idle chattering is not conducive is with whatever you say the other person likes it or dislikes it reacting with craving or aversion. Also it creates verbal fabrications. And makes your mind distracted, than concentrated.

So limit conversation to what is important. Try to maintain equanimity towards sesations when talking also.

  • Thankyou Sir, can you please shed some light on craving, e.g. I want to purchase a motorcycle, then I think it will be an extra weight on my pocket. I like riding (generally), so how should one take decision on this kind of situation? Another craving is watching YouTube.
    – Ritesh.mlk
    Mar 10, 2017 at 8:26
  • Craving -> searching -> gain -> decision-making -> desire and lust -> attachment -> possessiveness -> stinginess -> safe-guarding -> various evils, unwholesome phenomena - Mahā,nidāna Sutta. Main thing is try to keep the 5 Precepts. It is good to avoid subtle craving, but as a householder this will not entirely be possible and practicle. Mar 11, 2017 at 12:18

If you can be on an even keel - regular and well-balanced and not likely to change suddenly when interacting with your loved ones and friends, then you are maintaining equanimity. It is important that you be the same person when you are talking to your friend or your wife. So that occasional sense of humor should be the same towards both of them.

We sorrow when we face of our everyday sufferings and troubles. And we joy when we face the moments of pleasure and happiness. When we behave indifferently in front of such pleasure/joy or sufferings/troubles it is equanimity that we are cultivating. One who practices equanimity will not mourn when sufferings, troubles find that person. He will not get excited when pleasure, happiness find him. He/she will feel all with an indifferent mentality.

You can cultivate this quality by repeating to self (as a meditation)… May I not be joyful because of gain… May I not be sorrowful because of loss… May I not be joyful because of praise… May I not be sorrowful because of dishonor… May I not be happy because of fame… May I not be sorrowful because of disgrace… May I not be happy by bodily pleasure… May I not be sorrowful by bodily suffering… May I not be happy by mental pleasure… May I not be sorrowful by mental suffering… May I be peaceful…

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