I have been practicing mindful breathing for about one or two sittings a day, and done a few retreats. I have a big problem with metta, even directed at myself. after trying to practice metta I often find myself in a very angered state of mind, even rage, especially at friends for various reasons regarding my life.
The background to the anger seems to be that they do not really care for me and just want me to be synchronized with their hobbies or lifestyles which are usually high achievement based . the background is that my personal life is much more crisis oriented than theirs , and i am also about 10 years older than them .
I have a lot of regret for not leaving these relations and my thoughts are around those regrets , that in fact it is/was my interest to do so, and the 'tug of war' that they would have/will do with me would be based on their own interests ('tug of war' i mean things like 'you should stay in touch' or 'what going on with you?' etc...).
Do other people experience such extreme counter reaction to metta? should i continue with it ? a bit at a loss ... thanks.