A monastery nearby my house, where I was about to be ordained and venture into the world of which I have been waiting so long, has now denied me ordination due to my bad habits of reading erotic literature, sensual audios and masturbating -- all of which I want to leave forever. I do go on abstinence streaks, but when something unfortunate happens to me(an incident or mishap that saddens me) I get triggered and relapse.sometimes even the most simplest of natural phenomena such a blossoming flower can be the root of the lapse.other times it's just plain advertisements on t.v which cause the downfall.it has become tedious to avoid triggers, it also leaves no time for meditation and other stuff.

Due to the kind advice of ven. Yuttadhammo bhikkhu I have quit my porn viewing addiction, but I can't seem get enough of masturbation and other forms of pornography(though the frequency has been significantly reduced)I request the members of this forum to provide some comprehensive techniques and advice that can be adapted with a practical approach and help me quit all these bad habits forever.

It has ruined my life to such an extent that I longer feel the state of bliss that I used to have during my abstinence streaks(i now recognise they were the best period of my Buddhist training)

P.S: if possible, do explain in detail how to inculcate "sila" in my practice, because @Dhammadhatu mentioned that a proper practitioner has to practice three methods of lust eradication (I have attained mastery over the other two).

  • I can't tell if your saying you relapsed because of Ven. Yuttadhammo's advice or the opposite of that. – Lowbrow Dec 27 '16 at 17:37
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    @Uuu I changed the punctuation. Is it clearer now? – ChrisW Dec 27 '16 at 17:43
  • @ChrisW Yes that part is clear but what about where the question says "... but can get enough of ", the context seems to imply that "can" should be "can't", right? Thank you Chris :) – Lowbrow Dec 27 '16 at 17:59
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    @Uuu I read that as "with advice I have quit my addiction, however I still masturbate and get other forms of pornography". – ChrisW Dec 27 '16 at 18:06
  • @Dhammadhatu is not a 'Venerable' (monk) – Dhammadhatu Dec 27 '16 at 18:49

Ven.Yuttadhammo bhikkhu has given you proper advice. Being true to monkhood is being rooted and grounded in a Life of celibacy. The benefits of celibacy (sexual abstinence) are obviously not widely understood nor fully appreciated. Even though sex may be a natural, essential part of life, so is being stuck in a physical body along with all its severe restrictions, miseries and complications lifetime after lifetime. Celibacy is a change in the direction of sex and sensuality, not its repression. But this advice is easier said than done.

In becoming a Bhikku with an idea of performing the practice of breathing towards samatha and vipassana (calm and insight) without first attempting kayagata-satipatthana (mindfulness as regards the body), resembles an owner who yokes the still untamed bullock (an adult bovine animal) to the cart or plough without the nose-rope. Such an owner would find oneself unable to drive the bullock at his desire. Because the bullock is wild, and because it has no nose-rope, it will either try to run off the road, or try to break loose by breaking the yoke.

The Buddha, in one of the Suttas pointed out that the realm of sensual pleasures resembles the forest where the wild elephant enjoys himself/herself. The Buddha Sasana, "the teaching of the Buddha",resembles the open field into which the wild elephant is first brought out. The mind resembles the wild elephant. Confidence (saddha) and desire (chanda) in the sasana-dhamma resemble the tame elephant to which the wild elephant is hitched and brought out into the open. Sila-visuddhi (purification of virtue) resembles the stockade. The body, or parts of the body, such as out-breath and in-breath resemble the post in the stockade to which the elephant is tied. Kayagati-sati resembles the rope by which the wild elephant is tied to the post. The preparatory work towards samatha and vipassana resembles the preparatory training of the elephant. The work of samatha and vipassana resembles the parade ground or battlefield of the king.

Firstly what you have to learn to do is the Meditation on loathsomeness (Asuba). There’s a series of meditations called guardian meditations, which are very helpful in using skillful perceptions to get the mind in the right mood, in the right attitude, with the right understanding, as you come into the present moment. You’ll often find, as you’re sitting here meditating on the breath, that the problem is not with the breath. It’s with the mental baggage you’re carrying with you. So you want to open up the bags and throw out all the unnecessary weight. In practicing this, you see that we all have the same garbage inside ourselves. This contemplation is helpful because it’s a guardian. There are so many people out there you could feel lust for, so cultivating this protects you from inappropriate lust. Even if you’re not practicing celibacy, you need a way to guard yourself against that kind of vagrant lust. So instead of weaving all sorts of narratives you’ve developed around beauty, it’s good to teach yourself other narratives, other associations. While at it, you should learn to do what is skillful.

“And what is skillful? Abstaining from taking life is skillful, abstaining from taking what is not given... from sexual misconduct... from lying... from abusive speech... from divisive tale-bearing... abstaining from idle chatter is skillful. Lack of covetousness... lack of ill will... right views are skillful. These things are called skillful.”—MN 9

Also the Buddha said… “Come guard your sense-faculties; be the master of your senses. When you see something with the eye, do not get attracted to it by its appearance, but treat it with self control. So allways be mindful by controlling and guarding your senses the eye, the ear, the nose, the tongue, the body and the mind.


My advise is do the 32 Parts of the Body Meditation (click the link to practice sytematically)or Asubha meditation.This helps counter a lustful mind.You are attracted to bodies because your not seeing the reality of it's unpleasantness.Since you magnified their attractive qualities to the point of masturbating you need to magnified their unattractive qualities to the point of being turned off.You have to train the mind to see skin as skin,sinew as sinew,body hair as body hair,bile as bile,feces as feces,mucus as mucus.See this in every one.When you see a person your sexually attracted to even romatically. See this in them.That they pass gas and excrement,that they smell,that they store urine,that their mouth and stomach is filled with bacteria.when you see a beautiful person picture them in the toilet,vomiting.blowing mucus or having their period or picture them old.See these people through this lens/filter.

  • the truth is that after practicing asubha,now the lust for bdies have decreased but i still vouch for the sexual act itself?how can i cultivate sila towards all women? – littlemonk Jan 2 '17 at 7:07
  • 1.Don't place unwise attention.I know it seems like sexual need is "pressing" or it's a "need" that "has" to be fulfilled.It's not.It’s the simple act of placing attention on it that magnifies it.Change your attention or distract yourself,either go out jogging or go for a swim.You'll be surprised when that "need" changes when just a few hours ago it seems so pressing..@littlemonk – Akasha Jan 2 '17 at 11:22
  • 2.Contemplate the disadvantages of breaking the sila.Which leads to lower rebirth and unhappiness.Your not breaking the sila by having sex with a consenting partner but if you want to be a monastic my advise is you need to adjust to leading a celibate life. Train yourself to be celibate at least 2 years,no sex.no masturbation,no pornograpghy before ordaining. Thats the good way to prepare for monastic life is for you.Sex is not a need.The body’s perfectly fine without sex. – Akasha Jan 2 '17 at 11:23
  • 3.Contemplate having pure sila. It makes you feel whole and confident. You feel good about yourself. – Akasha Jan 2 '17 at 11:23
  • 4.Cut off any triggers.Like if you get triggered by tv,try not watching tv.If you get triggered by music try not listening to music.Cut the causes out.This strong sexual desires don’t appear out of nowhere their kept in place by conditions.If you can cut the conditions it will die down. 5.Restrain.Just don’t do it.everytime it comes up don’t act on it.Its like building a muscle.It gets stronger and stronger each time you say no and don’t do it.And before you know one day the thought won’t even come up. – Akasha Jan 2 '17 at 11:23

Addiction of a thousand faces is pandemic in the "world". The harmonic of social and political instability and perhaps the sub-harmonics of rapid onset climate disruption and accelerating species extinctions also contribute to explicit and subtle triggering events.

It may be possible to eradicate the behavioral loops of trigger, response, ease, and it may not be - thus the way of the renunciate in a formal and traditional sense may be closed to you, at least for now.

Perfection of behavior is neither a requirement for nor an impediment to full awakening. In fact, gnarly afflictions, can be accelerants for the conditioned mind to burn through its cherished beliefs and adornments thus opening the doors of unafflicted being.

One's primary objective is what's already present, this would be objectless and unafflicted being. Perhaps the life puzzle that's before you is not how to remedy and transcend your local nature so you can enter the monastery, but how to discover nirvana in the midst of your local nature, suffering no loss or permission to enter the gate of yourself?

Warmly, NightSkySanghaGuy

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