In my point of view everything we love finally ends up with sufferings. love is a root to suffering. But in the society there are plenty of people who lead very happy and non-suffering lives with love. But the people with full of honesty mostly get cheated and suffer their lives. So why is this world seems to be unfair ? does it completely depends on our PREVIOUS BIRTH sins and merits ?

  • Great question, but I disagree with the "others being happy". We have a few examples where so called happy couples were having unhappy relationships. Why think of others? Is comparison not the illusion here? Should we not take care of "ourselves" first? We do. 🧘🏻‍♂️ Oct 15, 2022 at 19:53

4 Answers 4


@Iresha Rubasinghe, the answer to your question lies in the story of Arahant bikkhuni Isidasi’s life before monkhood. It is best explained in one or two of the Sinhala sermons that I’ve come across. It is mentioned in the Malunkyaputta Sutta (Reject Sensuality) SAMYUTTA NIKĀYA 35:95. The story of Arahant bikkhuni Isidasi in the scriptures, is a good example of karma and sexual misconduct independent of the lay precepts. She became aware of the secret of the cause of her suffering only after she attained Arahantship. In a nutshell :

” She realized seven births prior to her current birth she had being born a male. During that life he had molested young girls. After his death he was born in hell. He suffered in hell for a considerable period of time. Next he was born a monkey. Attacked by an older monkey he was wounded. The wound festered. The festered wound did not heal for a long time and finally died after much suffering. His ‘kamma’ was not over. He was born a goat, next a cow and suffered similar fates. Thereafter he was born a human being. He was born a female. Her mother was a low caste poor servant. One day debtors took the young girl away from the mother. Her life ended thus. Finally she was fortunate to be born during the time of the Buddha and was liberated from the sufferings of ‘samsara’. Thus we all should realize that we should reform our inner selves by conforming to the Dhamma if we are to attain liberation.”

This story will help you in getting your mind in a state where it’s willing to learn, where it’s able to observe cause and effect, so you will be less judgmental, and less despondent. Then you will love others, and you will care for others without any expectations in return. Your mind will begin to settle down. You will no longer want things to be this way or that.

  • That's really meaningful @Saptha. So I have another question, isn't it a good idea to become a monk/ bhikkhuni in the intention of minimising further sufferings ?
    – user7658
    Dec 29, 2016 at 7:23
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    Two people that can advice you on this stay in the Mahamevnawa Monasteries for Buddhist Nuns. First check their FB Page. There meet two Anagaarikaas (We do not call them Bhikkunies). They were originally from Toronto- the two girls were both students of University of Toronto, their fathers were engineers. Today one goes as Anagarikaa Dhammabhashini (‘Dahama Pawasanni’ – one who explains the Dhamma). Other is Anagarika Dhamma-Dhaarini (one who Retains the Teachings). Dec 29, 2016 at 11:20
  • Nice to read. Mudita! And Sadhu! Jun 18, 2017 at 5:57

It is true that worldly love finally ends up with sufferings; that worldly forms of love is a root to suffering. The only people without suffering are enlightened people. It may appear in the society there are plenty of people who lead very happy and non-suffering lives with love but this appearance is not true.

If the people with full of honesty mostly get cheated and suffer their lives, how can such sinlessness (honesty) be the result of previous sins & merits? Such an idea is illogical.

People with full of honesty get cheated because of acts of evil people.

If I am a good person & an evil person wants to murder me, how can I stop this? I cannot.

  • so what can we do to deal with such hurtful situations ? how to make our mind ?
    – user7658
    Dec 26, 2016 at 3:14

I am answering this question without having previously read other answers herein and would like to express without citing textbook references.

If I may.

Love (cause):

"I love cows, because my family had a cow, which farmed for us; it brought us income and thus food on the table."

Care (as a result):

"Therefore, I love to wash my cows on the field very frequently; I love it when passer-by come touch my cows and pet them. I think these beings are magnificent, which deserves love. I hate those who are so afraid to approach magnificent animals such as cows. What are they afraid of? Stupid people, oh well, oh well."

On the opposite of love (dislike/hate):

"We had a cow; my mom would milk it daily. With the milk, we'd make cheese, which we would sell to the locals. But one day, this cow took a swing with its hind legs as my mother milked it that injured my mother. Stupid cow, which I thought we took very well care of. Now, when I see on T.V. what they do to cows and bulls on Spanish T.V., I don't feel bad for them, given for the cow we had did to my mother."

As a result (on the opposite side of care):

"Yes, we have cows that farm for us; but who cares, these things would just freak out one day and hurt you, who knows? It's winter, but I don't care if they are let out and freeze."

Love (out of compassion):

There is none (minimized). But compassion exists, regardless of the amount of love (and/or hate/dislike) within you.


Without love or hate, one suddenly sees a clearer picture. There is no fuel (love or hate) that forces/drives you to care or abuse.

And then, you care out of compassion. Care, in my opinion, is often mistaken as a result of love.

Your caring of one thing/being, suddenly, becomes unbiased, it stems from compassion that benefits those, whom you need not to love or hate (cause) previously.

Without those attributes, your care/tending to those in need suddenly become unbiased and is thus truly beneficial/helpful.

Only then can care benefit those in need.

As for previous life (debt or gain).

We don't know it, and we wouldn't care. Compassion doesn't care.

  • So what's the the difference between liking a lot and love?
    – Lowbrow
    Jun 18, 2017 at 5:59

The moment is a good place to go birdwatching some truth , moment by moment, without anyone's assumptions about reality or truth being you or his or mine or unfair or Abercrombie...

When we approach reality this way then the world isn't unfair, it just is.

When we approach reality this way then it is easier to understand that love isn't at the root of suffering, the attachment mixed in with the love leads to suffering. Pure love sets the loved free, it doesn't strangle the loved one with a what's in it for me? attitude.


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