I just finished a vipassana retreat and well, I am still confused with just observing and feeling, and holy **** that was a h**** of an experience.... a-bomb (more bad then good, but we all need it, I felt pain from others in distance, and well I need this pain to project later on metta bavahna, but annicca,annicca,. The day I left (today) I was crying and well spotted a sensation in the throat, observed it, crying, don't even know why, should I look for the why? And is the crying equanamously crying, or was I? Didn't feel like doing stuff for 3 hours. Is that generating new sankaras? Or it's just old sankaras coming up? It like a bad sensation makes me forget ANNICCA, but a good sensation makes me more ANNICCA... I mean I am still confused if I am allowed to get angry and observe, then cry and observe, and being sure that, I am equanimous.... I do not want to read books anymore on this lol, I had enough, so I continue the body scan, I mean I keep calling the people from vippa... and everytime everything is different, and I am confused with the emotions....
Thanks to anyone who can clarify and guide me better on the DHAMMA!
Love to you all! May you all remain equanimous! alexei