@Dhammadhatu has given you some valuable advice, and I do hope that you will heed this advice. I sense that he is speaking from his heart. I have read that “Heart thinking is focused on reality and therefore unlikely to go too wrong.” To read that full write-up go to Moving from head to heart It further says…
“When Carl Jung, the great psychoanalyst, went to Taos Peublo in New Mexico in 1925, he met the chief of the native people, Ochwiay Biano. Biano told Jung that according to his people, the Whites were 'mad'-uneasy, restless, always wanting something.
Jung asked him why he thought they were mad, and the chief replied that it was because they thought with their heads, a sure sign of mental illness among his tribe. Jung asked him how he thought and he pointed to his heart. The response plunged Jung into a deep introspection that enabled him to see his race from outside himself and realise how much of the race's character was within him.”
Now to tell you a bit about myself… as a Sri Lankan Buddhist, the ‘Buddhism’ that I experienced within the Sri Lankan community in Sri Lanka and Canada until 2006, was a religion that is more to do with rites, rituals, icon worship, collection / transference of merits etc., similar to what happens in the sacred places of other religions.
As I did not know the true Dhamma contained in the Sutta Pitaka, which is more of a clinical evaluation of our existence, a way of life, a philosophy than a religion, I turned to other sources. For many years I took to reading other books - both relevant and irrelevant material that are rich in intellectual content - such as “Zen and the art of motor cycle maintenance”. I took to such authors as Hermann Hesse, Erich Fromm, Ayn Rand, J. Krishnamurti and Deepak Chopra. But none of these could compare to what I learnt within the last ten years about the Buddha Dhamma contained in the Sutta Pitaka.
I am not the only one. There were many others who got this invaluable opportunity of learning the true Dhamma without any adulterations or distortions that are widespread in most of today’s preaching and in the written material found in book stores and libraries. This spiritual development in us that took place within the last ten years is the start of a beautiful journey that is continuing to unfold. Now that a full 10 years has come to pass, the time is ripe for us, as a group, to be Kalyāna-mitta (noble friends) to many others who haven’t had this good fortune of knowing the Dhamma. The awareness in us - that we are Saddhānusāri and Dhammānusāri - is enough reason to start helping others too to realize this unshakable confidence in the Three Jewels. Being a ‘Kalyana-mitta’ (noble friend) to others is the one way that we could show our gratitude for what we have gained. Why I told you of this, is that I feel you too have had a turning point in your life. But going forward you have to be a bit cautious.
It is because I’ve seen quite a few families breaking up because they ignored the advice given to them to tread this path carefully. It is because we live in very unfortunate times. The outside forces (both within and without, both of this world of our friends and loved ones, and of the other unseen world (that are far more powerful than that of the known world) are too strong for us to overcome by ourselves. That is why the Buddha said that it depends 100% on our association of Kalyana Mittas. So for example if your mind says one thing and for instance a noble friend says another, you’ll have to do weigh very carefully what the noble friend advices you before going forth.