Well, Before we continue you must ask why you gave up the identity "Being a Buddhist" and you should also ask why are you still here in this SE. I am not trying to be rude.i'm saying this to make you realize the deceiving side of the mind.It is important you understand this and come up with solutions.
Now Lets talk about the ambitions part, Let me tell you a story
I learned it from a monk. this will give you a direct answer.....
One day a man (lets call him Paul) visited an old friend of him (Lets call him Tom). This friend was a farmer and he had a large piece of land which he used to farm. Paul looked around and saw that there is not much of farming going on, only a small part of Tom's land was being used for farming.
So Paul asked Tom
"Why are you not using the whole piece of land?, You know what you shold farm the whole thing."
"So then what should i do?"asked Tom.
Paul said "Oh, then you should start a little shop near the house and start selling some of your harvest."
"OK, looks like a good idea,so what's next" asked Tom.
"Then you should work hard and make it successful and you should start few more shops like that and get them to success too." said Paul.
"Right,then what should i do?" said Tom.
"My friend then you got good money, that would be a nice time to settle down and have a nice family" said Paul.
"Yeah,nice. So what should i do next?" asked Tom.
"Then take care of your Family and kids and once they are young teach them your business and once they are ready let them take care of your farm and business." said Paul.
"OK Paul. then what i should do?" Said Tom.
"Then what man, you got all things covered, you have a nice family and a successful business and you will be rich too. So enjoy your life and live in peace. Let your children take care of your things." said Paul.
Then Tom said something that amazed Paul, "My friend i know you mean well but here's the thing, I know i haven't farmed all my fields and i don't have a lavish life or a wife. But i'm happy with what i have and what i am. Today i have enough to live a happy life and yes i have little but this is what i always needed. There is not a single thing that i have to dream of. A simple life to live in peace is all i ever wanted and what i have right now. Why should i work so many years to pile up many things just to find peace at the end when i have peace in my life right now?"
You should ask a question from your self, and that is
"Who do i want to be, Tom or Paul?
And after that you could work your way from there. What is missing in your practice is "Not knowing what you really need".
Being a buddhist is all about understanding who you are what you are after. Until you have answers to those two questions you are obviously lost. So ask yourself what you need and choose which type of Buddhist you want to be.
There are two kinds of practices to Lay people...
The stallion :-
This path is simple. The only goal is nirvana and there is no stopping until the target is met. you could call this "Hardcore lay person practice". These fortunate ones live simple lives and their only goal "Nirvana" is their goal.
The turtle :-
The path is slow but shielded. These fortunate ones live happy normal lives. Their goal is also nirvana but there's a catch. They have decided to reach a higher realm and start their "Stallion stage" and until then they will obey to the "Five precepts" and live a proper Buddhist life. But they will live like any other person with worldly goals in life. The only shield they have is their "Sila (Protecting the precepts) & Shraddha (undying trust on triple gems)". They are taking a big risk here, but they are confident about their Shraddha.
Choose your life my friend....
Path does not make you a boring person. You have realized the true nature of the world and you are no longer driven by the lust of lavish things. This is why it does not feel the same.
But you still have attachments to live like there is no tomorrow. Party & get high not to mention the ladies.
But your mind is giving you mixed signals here. There is a reason why...
this happens because of you not deciding a life between these two. So your mind goes back and forth.
My advice is choose your life. either be a "Stallion" or a "Turtle".
May the triple gems bless you!