I hope you feel no bitterness towards anyone. this is one of the principles of Buddhism. everything has a reason.If there is sorrow that you have to experience, then there is a root cause for it too. It is not the fault of the boys you used to know... It is not the fault of the husband, or the relatives....
The pain within you is the result of a pain you have given others in some previous birth.I hope you understand what I'm saying.How you react to the pain is VERY IMPORTANT. You can understand the dhamma behind the pain.... or you could start blaming everyone else...If you choose to blame everyone else..... then the cycle of Hate,Blame, Suffering continues....
If you chose to UNDERSTAND THE DHAMMA behi nd the suffering....then you can use the four noble truth principle and ARYA MAITHREE to end this suffering. If you understand the root cause to be "suffering you caused others in the past"....then apply ARYA MAITHREE towards all beings you may have associated in the past.... now that you understand the DHAMMA and you are a follower of BUDDHA in this life it would be possible for you to get compassion for any wrongful deeds that you may have caused in the past for others.... Theruwan Saranayi..