Is love a destiny or coincidence in Buddhism?

Question

There are many examples, a couple wants to be together but break up after long-term dating, they want to get married but they never get married. A person wants to get close with another person and vice versa but they can never get together no matter how hard they try, etc.

In Buddhism, our life is not destined so how are we supposed to understand above situation?

What makes someone has the affinity to become someone's parents or children for, for example, two lifetimes? What power determine the meeting? Is the affinity merely automatically created from the person we normally associate with in daily life?

Answer 1

The Samajivina Sutta, as follows, can hopefully shed some light on this question.

Once the Blessed One was staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. Then early in the morning the Blessed One put on his robes and, carrying his bowl and outer robe, went to the home of the householder, Nakula's father. On arrival, he sat down on a seat made ready. Then Nakula's father & Nakula's mother went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As they were sitting there, Nakula's father said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since Nakula's mother as a young girl was brought to me [to be my wife] when I was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to her even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

And Nakula's mother said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since I as a young girl was brought to Nakula's father [to be his wife] when he was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to him even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

[The Blessed One said:] "If both husband & wife want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come, they should be in tune [with each other] in conviction, in tune in virtue, in tune in generosity, and in tune in discernment. Then they will see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

Husband & wife, both of them having conviction, being responsive, being restrained, living by the Dhamma, addressing each other with loving words: they benefit in manifold ways. To them comes bliss. Their enemies are dejected when both are in tune in virtue. Having followed the Dhamma here in this world, both in tune in precepts & practices, they delight in the world of the devas, enjoying the pleasures they desire.

Answer 2

Karma?

Maybe there is some more in-depth explanation but if a couple breaks up there are probably reasons for it, maybe they have communication issues or somebody cheated on the other (I believe the latter is a no-no according to most religions, Buddhism included). As for communication issues, if people don't talk and are unmindful they will bottle things up until they blow.

If two people want to be together but can't because they, for example, live on opposite sides of the world and can't afford to move, that must surely be related to karma. Whether they were born too poor or did deeds that led to that situation, I leave that to the experts.