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Good story. Maybe a bit too focused on your life (almost no mentions of other people) – but good nevertheless. My overall impression can be summarized with this allegory:

Imagine, Mowgli always wanted to be a human, despite his upbringing as a wolf. After much struggle and hesitation, he accepts his own wolf-nature and gets up to walk on his two feet.

Now, here is what happens: When he walks into a human house he has no idea what all that stuff is around him. He does not know how to sit on a chair, how to eat at a table, or how to use toilet. He is completely wild, untrained. Even though he is an adult man, he needs to go through a basic training, starting from scratch like a child.

This is the situation with you. You got into the house through the back door. You can walk on your two feet. By "walking on two feet" I refer specifically to your state of non-judgmental effortlessness. But, at the same time, you have no idea who you are, what you are, where you should go, and what you should do. Now you must learn all that. However (to continue my funny allegory) because most training was designed for "Mowglies who are sure they are wolves", it assumes you still "walk on all fours" – correspondingly much of the teaching and instructions speak about "taking the weight off your front paws" etc. – the kind of stuff you have already mastered. At the same time, the teachings have other elements that you need to get, for example the idea that you don't have a "tail" (standing in for the subject/object duality).

Without overstretching my analogy, let me just tell you that your best bet at this point would be to go into Dzogchen. This is a sub-school within the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism (yes, Tibetan – I hope you don't have ethnic prejudices at this point already; if you still do, perhaps we should go down a few levels)... that focuses specifically on what I referred to as "walking" and that you have already learned how to do, more or less. There I think you will both feel at home AND learn a bunch of other things that you skipped by walking in through that "back door". If Osho is high-school-level, and regular Buddhism is college - Dzogchen is like a PhD.

This is as much advice as I can give because of the distance. I suggest you look around for a couple of years until you find a suitable Dzogchen master. There should be some in Northern India. Finding a teacher is not an easy problem, but if you have faith and know the key word (which I just taught you: Dzogchen) – you can find what you need. Good luck.

P.S. Everything you said above, about not becoming, not clinging, all your experiences make sense to me. They are good and they are indications of a realization. On one hand, you don't need anything more – just live like this, keep trusting it, and let it unfold naturally by itself. On the other hand, because you don't have conceptual understanding of Enlightenment, the seeds of ignorance are still there. As you keep interacting with the world of people, they will regrow. Which is why I say you need to get conceptual understanding of how everything works. I understand to you it sounds like going back but, trust me, you need it. For one, resistance against going back indicates clinging to this realization of yours. For two, if you don't get a conceptual foundation, you'll lose it anyway.

Good story. Maybe a bit too focused on your life (almost no mentions of other people) – but good nevertheless. My overall impression can be summarized with this allegory:

Imagine, Mowgli always wanted to be a human, despite his upbringing as a wolf. After much struggle and hesitation, he accepts his own human-nature and gets up to walk on his two feet.

Now, here is what happens: When he walks into a human house he has no idea what all that stuff is around him. He does not know how to sit on a chair, how to eat at a table, or how to use toilet. He is completely wild, untrained. Even though he is an adult man, he needs to go through a basic training, starting from scratch like a child.

This is the situation with you. You got into the house through the back door. You can walk on your two feet. By "walking on two feet" I refer specifically to your state of non-judgmental effortlessness. But, at the same time, you have no idea who you are, what you are, where you should go, and what you should do. Now you must learn all that. However (to continue my funny allegory) because most training was designed for "Mowglies who are sure they are wolves", it assumes you still "walk on all fours" – correspondingly much of the teaching and instructions speak about "taking the weight off your front paws" etc. – the kind of stuff you have already mastered. At the same time, the teachings have other elements that you need to get, for example the idea that you don't have a "tail" (standing in for the subject/object duality).

Without overstretching my analogy, let me just tell you that your best bet at this point would be to go into Dzogchen. This is a sub-school within the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism (yes, Tibetan – I hope you don't have ethnic prejudices at this point already; if you still do, perhaps we should go down a few levels)... that focuses specifically on what I referred to as "walking" and that you have already learned how to do, more or less. There I think you will both feel at home AND learn a bunch of other things that you skipped by walking in through that "back door". If Osho is high-school-level, and regular Buddhism is college - Dzogchen is like a PhD.

This is as much advice as I can give because of the distance. I suggest you look around for a couple of years until you find a suitable Dzogchen master. There should be some in Northern India. Finding a teacher is not an easy problem, but if you have faith and know the key word (which I just taught you: Dzogchen) – you can find what you need. Good luck.

P.S. Everything you said above, about not becoming, not clinging, all your experiences make sense to me. They are good and they are indications of a realization. On one hand, you don't need anything more – just live like this, keep trusting it, and let it unfold naturally by itself. On the other hand, because you don't have conceptual understanding of Enlightenment, the seeds of ignorance are still there. As you keep interacting with the world of people, they will regrow. Which is why I say you need to get conceptual understanding of how everything works. I understand to you it sounds like going back but, trust me, you need it. For one, resistance against going back indicates clinging to this realization of yours. For two, if you don't get a conceptual foundation, you'll lose it anyway.

Good story. May be a bit too focused on your life (almost no mentions of other people) - but good nevertheless. My overall impression can be summarized with this allegory:

Imagine, Mowgli always wanted to be a human, despite his upbringing as a wolf. After much struggle and hesitation, he accepts his own wolf-nature and gets up to walk on his two feet.

Now, here is what happens: When he walks into a human house he has no idea what's all that stuff around. He does not know how to sit on a chair, how to eat at a table, or how to use toilet. He is completely wild, untrained. Even though he is an adult man, he needs to go through a basic training, starting from scratch like a child.

This is the situation with you. You got into the house through the back door. You can walk on your two feet. By "walking on two feet" I refer specifically to your state of non-judgmental effortlessness. But, at the same time, you have no idea who you are, what you are, where you should go, and what you should do. Now you must learn all that. However (to continue my funny allegory) because most training was designed for "Mowglies who are sure they are wolves", it assumes you still "walk on all four" - correspondingly much of the teaching and instructions speak about "taking the weight off your front paws" etc. - the kind of stuff you have already mastered. At the same time, the teachings have other elements that you need to get, for example the idea that you don't have a "tail" (standing in for the subject/object duality).

Without overstretching my analogy, let me just tell you that your best bet at this point would be to go into Dzogchen. This is a sub-school within Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism (yes, Tibetan - I hope you don't have ethnic prejudices at this point already, if you still do, perhaps we should go down a few levels)... that focuses specifically on what I referred to as "walking" and that you have already learned how to do, more or less. There I think you will both feel at home AND learn a bunch of other things that you skipped by walking into that "backdoor". If Osho is high-school-level, and regular Buddhism is college - Dzogchen is like PhD.

This is as much advice as I can give because of the distance. I suggest you look around for a couple of years until you find a suitable Dzogchen master. There should be some in the Northern India. Finding a teacher is not an easy problem, but if you have faith and know the key word (which I just taught you, Dzog-chen) - you can find what you need. Good luck.

P.S. everything you said above, about not becoming, not clinging, all your experiences make sense to me. They are good and they are indications of a realization. On one hand, you don't need anything more - just live like this, keep trusting it, and let it unfold naturally by itself. On the other hand, because you don't have conceptual understanding of Enlightenment, the seeds of ignorance are still there. As you keep interacting with the world of people, they will regrow. Which is why I say you need to get conceptual understanding of how everything works. I understand to you it sounds like going back, but trust me, you need it. For one, resistance of going back indicates clinging to this realization of yours. For two, if you don't get conceptual foundation you'll lose it anyway.

Good story. Maybe a bit too focused on your life (almost no mentions of other people) – but good nevertheless. My overall impression can be summarized with this allegory:

Imagine, Mowgli always wanted to be a human, despite his upbringing as a wolf. After much struggle and hesitation, he accepts his own wolf-nature and gets up to walk on his two feet.

Now, here is what happens: When he walks into a human house he has no idea what all that stuff is around him. He does not know how to sit on a chair, how to eat at a table, or how to use toilet. He is completely wild, untrained. Even though he is an adult man, he needs to go through a basic training, starting from scratch like a child.

This is the situation with you. You got into the house through the back door. You can walk on your two feet. By "walking on two feet" I refer specifically to your state of non-judgmental effortlessness. But, at the same time, you have no idea who you are, what you are, where you should go, and what you should do. Now you must learn all that. However (to continue my funny allegory) because most training was designed for "Mowglies who are sure they are wolves", it assumes you still "walk on all fours" – correspondingly much of the teaching and instructions speak about "taking the weight off your front paws" etc. – the kind of stuff you have already mastered. At the same time, the teachings have other elements that you need to get, for example the idea that you don't have a "tail" (standing in for the subject/object duality).

Without overstretching my analogy, let me just tell you that your best bet at this point would be to go into Dzogchen. This is a sub-school within the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism (yes, Tibetan – I hope you don't have ethnic prejudices at this point already; if you still do, perhaps we should go down a few levels)... that focuses specifically on what I referred to as "walking" and that you have already learned how to do, more or less. There I think you will both feel at home AND learn a bunch of other things that you skipped by walking in through that "back door". If Osho is high-school-level, and regular Buddhism is college - Dzogchen is like a PhD.

This is as much advice as I can give because of the distance. I suggest you look around for a couple of years until you find a suitable Dzogchen master. There should be some in Northern India. Finding a teacher is not an easy problem, but if you have faith and know the key word (which I just taught you: Dzogchen) – you can find what you need. Good luck.

P.S. Everything you said above, about not becoming, not clinging, all your experiences make sense to me. They are good and they are indications of a realization. On one hand, you don't need anything more – just live like this, keep trusting it, and let it unfold naturally by itself. On the other hand, because you don't have conceptual understanding of Enlightenment, the seeds of ignorance are still there. As you keep interacting with the world of people, they will regrow. Which is why I say you need to get conceptual understanding of how everything works. I understand to you it sounds like going back but, trust me, you need it. For one, resistance against going back indicates clinging to this realization of yours. For two, if you don't get a conceptual foundation, you'll lose it anyway.

Good story. May be a bit too focused on your life (almost no mentions of other people) - but good nevertheless. My overall impression can be summarized with this allegory:

Imagine, Mowgli always wanted to be a human, despite his upbringing as a wolf. After much struggle and hesitation, he accepts his own wolf-nature and gets up to walk on his two feet.

Now, here is what happens: When he walks into a human house he has no idea what's all that stuff around. He does not know how to sit on a chair, how to eat at a table, or how to use toilet. He is completely wild, untrained. Even though he is an adult man, he needs to go through a basic training, starting from scratch like a child.

This is the situation with you. You got into the house through the back door. You can walk on your two feet. By "walking on two feet" I refer specifically to your state of non-judgmental effortlessness. But, at the same time, you have no idea who you are, what you are, where you should go, and what you should do. Now you must learn all that. However (to continue my funny allegory) because most training was designed for "Mowglies who are sure they are wolves", it assumes you still "walk on all four" - correspondingly much of the teaching and instructions speak about "taking the weight off your front paws" etc. - the kind of stuff you have already mastered. At the same time, the teachings have other elements that you need to get, for example the idea that you don't have a "tail" (standing in for the subject/object duality).

Without overstretching my analogy, let me just tell you that your best bet at this point would be to go into Dzogchen. This is a sub-school within Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism (yes, Tibetan - I hope you don't have ethnic prejudices at this point already, if you still do, perhaps we should go down a few levels)... that focuses specifically on what I referred to as "walking" and that you have already learned how to do, more or less. There I think you will both feel at home AND learn a bunch of other things that you skipped by walking into that "backdoor". If Osho is high-school-level, and regular Buddhism is college - Dzogchen is like PhD.

This is as much advice as I can give because of the distance. I suggest you look around for a couple of years until you find a suitable Dzogchen master. There should be some in the Northern India. Finding a teacher is not an easy problem, but if you have faith and know the key word (which I just taught you, Dzog-chen) - you can find what you need. Good luck.

Good story. May be a bit too focused on your life (almost no mentions of other people) - but good nevertheless. My overall impression can be summarized with this allegory:

Imagine, Mowgli always wanted to be a human, despite his upbringing as a wolf. After much struggle and hesitation, he accepts his own wolf-nature and gets up to walk on his two feet.

Now, here is what happens: When he walks into a human house he has no idea what's all that stuff around. He does not know how to sit on a chair, how to eat at a table, or how to use toilet. He is completely wild, untrained. Even though he is an adult man, he needs to go through a basic training, starting from scratch like a child.

This is the situation with you. You got into the house through the back door. You can walk on your two feet. By "walking on two feet" I refer specifically to your state of non-judgmental effortlessness. But, at the same time, you have no idea who you are, what you are, where you should go, and what you should do. Now you must learn all that. However (to continue my funny allegory) because most training was designed for "Mowglies who are sure they are wolves", it assumes you still "walk on all four" - correspondingly much of the teaching and instructions speak about "taking the weight off your front paws" etc. - the kind of stuff you have already mastered. At the same time, the teachings have other elements that you need to get, for example the idea that you don't have a "tail" (standing in for the subject/object duality).

Without overstretching my analogy, let me just tell you that your best bet at this point would be to go into Dzogchen. This is a sub-school within Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism (yes, Tibetan - I hope you don't have ethnic prejudices at this point already, if you still do, perhaps we should go down a few levels)... that focuses specifically on what I referred to as "walking" and that you have already learned how to do, more or less. There I think you will both feel at home AND learn a bunch of other things that you skipped by walking into that "backdoor". If Osho is high-school-level, and regular Buddhism is college - Dzogchen is like PhD.

This is as much advice as I can give because of the distance. I suggest you look around for a couple of years until you find a suitable Dzogchen master. There should be some in the Northern India. Finding a teacher is not an easy problem, but if you have faith and know the key word (which I just taught you, Dzog-chen) - you can find what you need. Good luck.

P.S. everything you said above, about not becoming, not clinging, all your experiences make sense to me. They are good and they are indications of a realization. On one hand, you don't need anything more - just live like this, keep trusting it, and let it unfold naturally by itself. On the other hand, because you don't have conceptual understanding of Enlightenment, the seeds of ignorance are still there. As you keep interacting with the world of people, they will regrow. Which is why I say you need to get conceptual understanding of how everything works. I understand to you it sounds like going back, but trust me, you need it. For one, resistance of going back indicates clinging to this realization of yours. For two, if you don't get conceptual foundation you'll lose it anyway.